BENGALURU : Youngsters are encouraged to talk about anxiety and depression these days, and the lucky few do find help in time. But, there is one crisis they are still hesitant to discuss — the depression that follows the failure of an intimate relationship with a teacher. Those in the 15 to 25 age group are particularly vulnerable to this. Nineteen-year-old Rakesh Sharma (name changed) has been struggling with anxiety attacks ever since his relationship with a tuition teacher ended when he was in Class XII. The teacher married and left Rakesh deeply disturbed, with trouble even coping with his academics. "I am yet to consult a doctor about my anxiety because I fear I would be judged. I feel guilty and don't think anything can make it right," says this BCom student.
Dr Naveen Jayaram, psychologist at Sakra World Hospital, says that he consults for at least three such cases every year. "Intimate relationships with a teacher are considered culturally taboo, therefore, the anxiety and depression students develop from these are rarely discussed," he says.
He shares the story of an MBA student, who was in a live-in relationship with her lecturer. After two years, she found out that the teacher was married with a wife and children, settled in their hometown. "She said that she knew that she should not have pursued this, but that it just happened," adds Dr Naveen.The psychologist says that such relationships develop because students are dealing with hormonal changes, and the teacher, with a "void" in his or her life. "These relationships are temporary and last for about three to six months," he says.
Last year, at a fashion institute, a mentor was reported to have emotionally abused a student. The student developed an anxiety disorder and turned suicidal, even cutting her wrists. Her father finally decided to get her help from a counsellor. Meera Ravi, a city-based counsellor, adds, "A teacher is crossing a boundary with such relationships. They should be mature and grounded, and help the student see right from wrong." There is a clear power imbalance in such intimacies, where the student finds it hard to say 'no' to a teacher, she says. "There is the question of whether the intimacy is consensual."
M Prakash, who was a principal for 17 years, says that he too has seen at least three such cases in a year, and believes that the the teacher is at fault. "I have seen cases where they get married too," he says. "Teachers abuse their role. We take action in such cases... we don't like to make it public, but ask the teacher to resign to avoid spoiling the name of the institution". The student is counselled and advised to focus on studies.