BENGALURU: Ever been in a crazy mirrors room? The kind with these mirrors placed in such a way that there are an infinite number of images from all sorts of angles, and the ones with these weird mirrors that distort the image in some way – either longer, smaller, thicker, thinner or curved. They are a source of great fun. It can be so hilarious to pop into a room of mirrors with a friend or two, make faces at each other, and look at the reflections. A laugh riot is on the cards.
Of course, halls of mirrors have also been the staple of thrillers and horrors, of being trapped not knowing what you perceive is an image and what is real. You don’t know if the gun being fired is going to shatter glass or crack bones. If you have been watching those movies and don’t enjoy them much, then so many mirrors might just raise your hackles and give you goose bumps, and not the pleasant kind. Whether it feels like a romcom or Saw VI, the bottom-line is how many different perspectives can be there about the same reality.
Sometimes, interactions between two people feel as if they are being held in a hall of mirrors. There is something being said, and something being understood, sure – but is it really as simple as that? The person saying something is thinking something, has a certain set of beliefs and values, has expectations, has an idea about what would be a good result, desires some outcome, has an image about the person this is addressed to, what they might think, feel, believe, expect, hope, and vice versa.
Even before a conversation starts, there are already a series of perceptions, layers and layers of history, memory, judgements and assessments. When the conversation does start, it multiplies those layers. Dozens of ‘If this, then that,’ or ‘What ifs,’ or ‘Why/ Why nots’ add possibilities of unconfirmed realities that could potentially explode into the kind of horror show that you wanted to avoid.
Unless you have an unerring degree of trust and faith, and confidence in each other that you know exactly where each person is standing, what their realities are quite objectively, and you really can see each other exactly as you are, chances are that conversations feel like you are in a hall of mirrors. What then could kind of collapse these unending reflections into a here and now reality?
Just like in a physical maze of mirrors, one could lose direction and feel quite lost, here too, we can easily lose our anchoring that this is someone we love. So, start with that. Take a deep breath, anchor yourself in that connection, and watch a few layers disappear. Then, instead of looking at the other’s reflections, self-reflect. Try and drop your own filters, and see more mirrors collapse. Disclose your own thoughts, ask for clarifications and it gets easier.After all that, there probably will still remain a few mirrors. And that’s OK.’The author is a counsellor at InnerSight