BENGALURU:Close to the stroke of mid-noon on September 6, the ‘envelope of freedom’ was finally opened. A historic judgement was read out by a five-judge bench of the Supreme Court, and the queer community was declared free! It was an overwhelmingly emotional moment for all those who have been fighting to see this day.
The 25-year-old-struggle is as old as I am today and this victory against an archaic 158-year-old law, will ensure that the likes of me will be able to live a happier, open and more inclusive tomorrow.
In sociology, we were taught about how the personal is political, but the true meaning of what this meant was not completely understood by me until I myself saw how my personal preference of who I loved was directly being dictated by the state. Until this day, I never realised and I never put my head around the enormity of what this judgement meant to me and the community at large.
I came out to myself as an 18-year-old when I first fell in love with a close friend. The feeling of falling in love for the first time is beautiful. One that I remember and cherish it to this day. But when we had to explain what this meant to our friends, we did not know how to put it in the right words. We knew we had to use terms such as ‘lesbian’, ‘not-straight’ and answer numerous questions of how, what and why.
All this, we did not mind. In fact, we felt like we were educating and spreading awareness about the larger issue by doing so. Yes, we also had perverted men asking ridiculous questions – it seemed that the only thing that came to their minds on the mention of female lovers is lesbian porn. It was problematic when people saw our choice purely as a ‘sexual preference’ and a ‘choice’ we make in our bedrooms. What most failed to understand and continue to do so, is that it is not about sex, alone. In my case, it has always been about falling in love with a human being, and I have happened to fall in love with women alone. When asked what my sexual orientation is, I still cannot put a label on it, I still don’t know. But I sure do know that I’m not ‘straight’ and that I love women!
Coming from a conservative family and due to societal pressures, we have faced consequences for my choice. It is hard for a parent who has been conditioned to bring up a family in a certain way, to find out one morning that their child is not ‘normal’ or adhering to societal standards. It is difficult for an orthodox Catholic mother of a 25-year-old daughter who is constantly asked by her relatives and friends about when they can attend their daughter’s wedding, only to tell them that their daughter is not willing to walk down that aisle. It’s difficult for her to know that all the hard work of bringing up her daughter, so she can get her married to a man will remain only a dream. But then, it is also difficult for a daughter to fight against all that she’s grown up learning, only to be able to love who she wants to.
“Do what you think is right, but always remember to maintain a balance, else it’s going to be really difficult for you in society.” That’s the advice my father, who usually spoke little on the issue, gave me when he got to know about my sexual orientation. I have stood by his words till date. Masking my identity, being careful of how I spoke or dressed and taking extra care to use the correct pronoun while addressing my lover. I did all of this not only because of my understanding that it’s difficult for our society to accept a queer woman. But also because I did not like the idea of purely being looked as a ‘lesbian woman’. I’m much more than my sexual identity.
And in the media industry, as is in any other industry, such stereotypes do have an impact on your work – how you’re looked at, the content that is expected from you and the treatment that’s been given to. But I think it’s time to turn the tables, it’s high time we queer women are also visible to our peers at our workspace. To shake them and things up, help them realise that we are not a community that’s ‘out there somewhere’, but one that is right within their midst.
Today, with the ridiculous section 377 being scrapped, I have decided to allow myself to breathe free. I realise that by being careful and by being the way others wanted me to be, I was allowing them to dictate my life. I know that all these years of conditioning will be difficult to crack. It will be difficult for many to accept me as I am. But as the CJI, Dipak Misra himself said while reading out the SC ruling, “I am what -I am, so take me as I am...no one can escape from their individuality.”
With the striking down of section 377 and allowing us the basic right to love and live a life of equality and dignity, the court has given me and my community a new lease of life. It has ensured that the coming generations will not have to go through the discrimination and harassment the community has been subjugated to for long. Today, Tagore’s song that we would sing in the school’s assemblies, rings louder and finally true, “Into that heaven of freedom my father, let my country awake...”