Her bags are packed with everything she needs, her room is always clean and there is food waiting for her after a day of hardwork. Vaishali Vijaykumar’s stay-at-home mom equipped her with life lessons of being responsible, hands-on, empowered and fiercely independent
CHENNAI: I was in class five when I learned to ride a bicycle. My mother and grandfather used to come running behind me so that I don’t fall. One day when I managed to do it all by myself, my mother flashed a smile filled with pride. She’s been with me through all my milestones. My first steps, first word, first laugh, and more to the list. I’ve always been her centre of attention.
The autorickshaw driver who used to pick up and drop me off to school used to get a call if he was delayed by even five minutes. My pencil box used to be stocked with stationery as and when it got empty. My diary was regularly checked for complaints from teachers. I was allotted time for watching television, playing games and doing homework. Deadlines had to be adhered to. As a stay-at-home mother, she’d constantly monitor my activities. As much as I enjoyed the attention, some lonesome time would’ve helped. But I have no regrets.
I’ve never walked into an empty home. My mother was always there to welcome me with a warm hug and a favourite bowl of Maggi or egg rice. I’d bombard her with the day’s stories at school. In the evening, we used to sit together for homework and daily lessons. She was always there — right from parent-teacher meetings to project days. Her presence in my early years of schooling was crucial in shaping up my identity and habits.
Amma’s day begins at 6 am and goes on until everybody completes dinner. No holidays, no perks and hardly any appreciation. She never expected them. It can be crazy juggling on some days but Amma has mastered the art of multitasking. She has managed to hold the fort without help all these years. And how? Nobody taught her how to run a household. My mother pulled it off every month with the budget my father allotted. She knew where and what to spend on.
Growing up eventually helped me see my mother from a different light. I had perhaps taken her for granted on some occasions because she has been a homemaker. For instance, I always made fun of her sambar preparation. But when adulthood happened and I had to prepare a meal, I realised the amount of effort that she had to put in the kitchen.
We often tend to overlook the duties of a homemaker. The house cannot function effectively if not for her. Imagine waking up to no breakfast! And the tireless, thankless job of making an inventory for monthly groceries is something that requires unique skills that only mothers seem to hold so well. If not for her, bills will not be paid on time. My wardrobe makeovers have been a breeze, thanks to her. She deserves a pat on her back, a word of praise, an ear to listen, and a helping hand. With permissive parenting and selective pampering, my mother has taught me to cook, clean the house and take care of basic necessities in her absence independently.
We have healthy conversations and she has given me the liberty to express my views. She was never overprotective or enforcing. We both enjoyed our space equally. But Amma always regretted not having a job. The fact that she got bored with cooking and tending to the needs of the house reflected in her later stages of life. “Where’s the recognition for homemakers? You take us for granted because we’re always available. After a point, our interest seems to take a different path. We’re not keen on taking care of the house for the rest of our lives. Life will not be the same for your generation. You will have jobs, maids, eat from outside or not do anything and starve. Then you will realise the value of my presence,” Amma reiterates this in every possible situation.
Maybe she was bound by responsibilities to take care of me when I was small. Now that I’ve grown up, Amma has slowly started exploring her areas of interests. She seeks solace in spiritual classes and yoga. She’s constantly on her phone checking social media updates, installing chanting apps and reading devotional books. This probably is her second inning. Coming from a generation of mothers, who sacrificed their ambitions and career for the family, my mother ensured she taught me lessons of empowerment and independence. She enabled me to live up to her lessons. But, I think, I’d love to be — as we now call it — a mompreneur.