Saptarshi Bairagi still remembers the day his role model – Bengali filmmaker Rituparno Ghosh died in 2013. He saw it on the evening news on a TV at the local chaiwalla shop on his way back from a private coaching class. “I was shocked, tears rolled down… he was an inspiration for every queer person in West Bengal and still is. I’ve watched his Chitrangada: The Crowning Wish at least five times, and every time I cried. I loved how wore his identity boldly in front of the film industry and the media…” says the 23-year-old Delhi University student, over a phone call about the late filmmaker who identified as queer.
Ghosh is one of the reasons why Bairagi, who identifies as gender fluid, wants to pursue an MPhil in queer studies from JNU or DU after he secured a First Class with Honours in his Masters in Anthropology degree on Tuesday. Bairagi’s already chalked a skeletal framework for his thesis on visual anthropology in the pan-India queer movement. How the queer community uses art, costumes, prints and patterns, and even placards, slogans and music paraded at Pride marches... he will view these aspects from the lens of caste and class discrimination in India. “The Indian queer movement is still ‘elite’ and not ‘feminist’ yet. If you are a tribal or Dalit person in India, you are at a disadvantage. And if you’re also queer, you are at a bigger disadvantage.” said Bairagi.
Surviving a past mired in taunts, betrayals and even sexual abuse in his growing years at the rural 24 Parganas district in Kolkata, also influenced his decision to take recourse in academic analysis of this kind. Rural India, he says, is still unfamiliar of LGBT+ terminology and queer rights, after he experiencing abuse firsthand in school.
His effeminate nature and love for Bharatanatyam earned him derogatory remarks from a schoolmate, and he even chose to bottle up about instances of molestation from his parents, only pouring his angst, suicidal thoughts, and depression in his diary. Unfortunately, for him, when a relationship went sour in 2017, his then ex-boyfriend informed Bairagi’s parents about his identity, using his diaries as proof. “Luckily my father is quite modern, told me he already guessed my identity and even convinced my mother to accept me. But like the typical Indian mother, she thinks this is just a phase. Even now, when I post pictures with few girlfriends on Facebook, she’ll actually comment on this post, ‘Wow, yeh ladki kitni sundar hai…’ and later ask me if I like that girl.
At times she’ll tell me ‘I was buying jewellery for my bahu all these years, now what do I do? I tell her, ‘you can save it for yourself or give it to my boyfriend,” Bairagi chuckles. On a serious note, he finds it unwise of those who come out to their orthodox families. “There are so many instances of those who come out to their conservative families without thinking of the consequences. So when they get kicked out they don’t know where to go. Organisations like the Naz Foundation [HIV/AIDS and sexual health] and Nazariya [queer feminists activists] in Delhi will help you, but to what extent?”
But the turmoil, at least he thought so when he gained admission in Delhi University, and on his first day saw a separate bathroom for transgenders and one senior in particular who sported long hair, a long beard, a feminine top, shorts, high heels and a ladies tote. Here, he found the confidence to openly tell his batchmates about his identity and discovered his sartorial tastes – gaudy, unstructured silhouettes like kalamkari kurtas and pyjamas in the Visva Bharati Santiniketan tradition, Nehru coats, shorts, hand bracelets and clip-on earrings. During the pride march, he ups his getup with a pearl necklace and makeup – eyeliner and maroon lipstick.
But even in this open-minded urban attitude towards the LGBT+ community, Bairagi experienced bullying by few seniors to use the transgender bathroom, because of his ‘plump girth and gynecomastia (increased male breasts) condition’. “But with the struggle, I’ve also found a lot of love. So now I want to do something for my community, become financially stable and take care of my parents, and only then I will look for a life partner.”