On Sunday morning, 31-year-old Sailaja Sharma continued her long sleep to never wake up again.
It was not a momentary decision that has prompted Sailaja Sharma take away her life. Police say it was a premeditated one. She was mature, educated and intelligent. Taking the extreme step of killing herself on Saturday afternoon, she left behind a four-page suicide note, with lots of wishes for all, explained her decision to end life. She signed off with a huge smiley.
In her suicide note, Sailaja, a doctor herself, detailed the cause of her death as respiratory depression, and mode of death as cardio-respiratory arrest. Explaining herself further, she said, her decision was nobody’s fault. “I read a lot. But, seven days before the exam, I know nothing. I do not remember anything. May be, I have some disease associated with depression,” she said.
Fear of Failure
Sailaja, a native of Bhatinda in Punjab, had come to the city in 2009 for pursuing Diplomate in National Board in Ophthamology, a postgraduation course for medical examiners, at the South Central Railways hospital. She is learnt to have been a brilliant student and secured a high rank in the national level eligibility test. She had completed her MBBS from Sholapur.
But, Sailaja, who never failed in any exam before, failed in her finals and left for home three months later.
She continued, “I do not want to see failure again. No body will say anything if I fail again, but I myself cannot bear it.”
The exam is scheduled for December 7 and 8.
Further, explaining her last wish, she wrote, “Please, do not make me news. Keep my dignity. Please, do not tell my friends and fellows that I committed suicide. Just tell them I died from heart attack.” And, signed off with a heart shaped smiley under which it read: “I will be just there at your garden; just look at the happiest looking flower.”
For her landlords, she was family. “She was jovial. She never showed any sign of depression, but used to study so hard that she would get exhausted,” said the landlord, without wanting to mention his name. She used to say she is not able to remember anything.
“The exam conducted by the National Board of Education is so tough that people clear it in second or third attempt. It was quite unneccessary that she killed herself,” he added.
According to him, Sailaja would leave her door slightly open and obstruct it with a chair so that the maid could open the door herself in the morning.
“After studying hard, she would be completely exhausted and would tell us not to wake her up. Sunday morning has left everyone in his family shocked.