As discarded cotton pads lie in my wake, I recall a few beauty truths that I’ve learnt the hard way: orange lipstick is never not going to make me look like a crazed pumpkin hooker. Crimping my hair didn’t look good in 2001, and it’s not going to look better now. And celebrities that said water is their beauty secret were not being completely honest. If water means photoshop, plastic surgery, chemical peels, and makeup artists applying layers of makeup on already picture-perfect faces, then yes. Water is the secret to that ‘flawless’ glow. Since I’ve never really been one to turn down a challenge, I decided to drink a ridiculous amount of water for a while and see what it does to my face.
I couldn’t have started my experiment on a better day. The night before, I had all my friends come over for a gathering known for free-flowing alcohol. So, the first bottle of water went down quite easy with a slightly whiskey-induced hangover. This is probably the first time dehydration because of alcohol did anything positive for me. “This is going to be SO easy,” I thought.
This attitude lasted for a good 24 hours. I was peeing regularly — at least once an hour. Trying to find a clean washroom each time was as elusive as the concept of the perfect man. My poor friends (thanks, all three of you!) were constantly waiting outside washrooms, holding my bag and water bottle, while I bunny-hopped to the stalls and did my business.
Drinking an obscene amount of water also taught me a valuable lesson in sipping and holding your drink. If I drank too much too fast, I’d feel sick to my stomach. If I drank too slowly, I wouldn’t have had enough for the day. Soon, my body adjusted to the water and my bathroom breaks decreased, but I was still in the powder room as often as a pregnant lady. There were days when I’d snuggle in with fuzzy socks only to realise that I still had some water left. This is when I’d make a silent deal with anyone who would listen — I’ll do anything NOT to drink that water. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn’t.
Having said this, I will admit to the happy changes I saw in a lot of parts of my life. While my skin wasn’t as soft as I was told it would be, my hormonal breakouts were definitely decreasing. I also had a major glow that made me skip my highlighter and foundation completely. I didn’t feel the need to snack very often, and my energy levels were literally shooting up the roof.
The best part? No hangovers! Except for one evening, when I mixed alcohol like a teenager while hanging out WITH MY PARENTS, of all the people. Hey, you can’t always win, right?
So until my body or my doctor tells me otherwise, I’m going to continue sipping. My only request? Someone please tell me of a reliable app that tracks clean public washrooms in the city. Thank you.
(The writer is a reporter with TNIE, a hopeless romantic who loves to read, and would
like a bottle of wine attached to an IV)