A friend announced the upcoming marriage of his daughter in our social media group chat. He requested the members to give their postal addresses so that he could send invitations to all. One said, “No need to send a card. You place an invitation in digital mode on this platform. All will receive it in a jiffy and attend the marriage. You can avoid printing so many invitations.”
Then started a discussion about the efficacy of a gift during the marriage. One posted: “Don’t waste money on gifts. My house is full of unusable articles received as gifts over the years.”
Another posted: “The same applies to bouquets also. People thrust a nosegay to the couple and congratulate them on getting married. The couple hand over the flowers to someone beside them. The flowers are dumped in a room in the marriage hall itself.
People don’t take the flowers home, because they are useless next day. The people in charge of the hall dump the withered flowers in a bin. So, please don’t waste money on bouquets.” Another wrote, “It is fashionable to put some money in an envelope and gift it to the couple. We can follow this practice.” Another friend said, ”I gift money only to poor people getting married, like my office chowkidar. At marriages of wealthy acquaintances, I shake hands with the couple.”
I attended a housewarming ceremony in a town in south Tamil Nadu. Guests were gifting cash to the owner of the house. A relative was counting and writing the name of the guests and the amount in a notebook. I asked a friend nervously why it was being recorded. He explained, “When the owner attends somebody’s function he will reciprocate with the same amount as gift. Hence the recording of gift amount”.
In yet another function, the host read out the names of the guests and the amounts of gifts over a public address system leaving many red-faced. Only the highest contributors were left with their pride intact.
A gift is a voluntary donation for a cause or event. Unfortunately, in some instances it is almost extracted from the donor. Many marriages become battle grounds on account of such extortions.
In most communities the family of the bride conducts the marriage. Invariably, the bride’s parents feel exhausted after conducting the marriage. Because of the expenses involved, uncles and aunts are expected to gift a large amount at the wedding. Any parsimony shown in gifts by close relatives is looked down as miserliness and leads to soured relationships. Unfortunately, such practices resulted in not considering the birth of a girl child as a blessing in poor families.