As parents, we are always looking for role models for our children: sports personalities who embody hard work and grit, tech moguls who inspire them to think ‘out-of-the-box’, everyday heroes who are changing the world. But what about role models for parents? Sure, we have the Kardashian clan for great airport looks to choose from right after you’ve had a baby (skin tight, PVC trousers are great for incontinent, post-natal bladders). But if you’re tired of Instagram celebrities consider turning to literature for parenting inspiration. Open any children’s book, and there’s sure to be something for the kind of parent you are. Or claim to be on social media. Here are some of my picks:
Benign negligence is wonderful and no one exemplifies it better than Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin in Enid Blyton’s Famous Five series. The absent-minded, short-tempered scientist and his forever-baking wife are known for letting the kids free with half-hearted warnings of ‘Stay out of trouble!’ The flip side to having hours alone to have your quiet mental breakdown (as I’m sure dear Fanny was having in the margins of every book) is that your kids get kidnapped, or you get kidnapped, or that you find yourself in a smuggler’s den. But that’s a small price to pay, right?
If you prefer to go down the route of complete and utter neglect, then look no further than the Wormwoods from Matilda. But beware, while you’re ignoring your child, she is developing terrifying telekinetic abilities skills. Unpleasant things are bound to happen to you.
At the opposite end of the spectrum are the Weasleys from the Harry Potter series. If the whole knitting, baking and cooking in an adorably shambolic way appeals to you, channel your inner Mrs Weasley. Other benefits: Your wand does everything for you, and your New Year outfit will be a robe that hides all your excesses from Diwali till the end of the year. If the idea of such a large brood doesn’t appeal, you can just teleport them to someone else’s house.
If you’re a perfectionist and nothing is good enough for your little one, then you’ll identify with the bird in Dr Seuss’ The Best Nest. Not only are you the kind of parent who won’t settle unless it’s exactly what you want, you will also make life hell for your partner till you’re happy. Just ask Mr Bird.
If being a cool hipster parent is your thing, then crack open Mo Willems’ The Knuffle Bunny series. Goatee? Check. Brooklyn Brownstone? Check. Dad who does laundry and school drops? Double check. Waking up in the middle of the night to do a bunny swap? Pass. Oh, the dad does it? Check!
I personally relate the most to Moin’s parents in Moin and the Monster by Anushka Ravishankar. They are suspicious of their child’s supposed talents and sudden desire to eat bananas, but can’t be bothered to investigate further. They also do their best to get out of attending their son’s music recital. We have all been there, haven’t we? There’s a PTM I want to get out of attending next week, and I’m re-reading the book for ideas on how to give it the slip.
Menaka Raman
Twitter@menakaraman
The writer’s philosophy is: if there’s no blood, don’t call me