Grappling with pliers and other food stories
Everyone must have got a taste of dining experiences that went horribly wrong. Though I am a non-vegetarian, certain meats are a strict no-no. Once after wolfing down a plate of biryani at a restaurant, I discovered that I was served the wrong meat.
I have lost count of the number of times that a dish arrived with less or more salt or chilli or sans any seasoning at all. My protests would be met with a frown from the ladies in the house. This incident, however, takes the cake. My mother-in-law, during one of those rare brain fades, dumped generous doses of chilli powder into the curry. The unfortunate victim was none other than my brother-in-law, a kid then, who after being fed rice mixed with it, began to wail and roll on the floor in sheer agony. A little later, when the mother-in-law discovered the truth, glasses of water and spoonfuls of sugar were administered to douse the fire. Everyone in the family goes into stitches whenever they recall this episode.
Some years ago, I won a gift from a leading newspaper for an original anecdote that I had submitted. The prize was a lavish buffet dinner at a star hotel for a family of four. No sooner did we begin to tuck into the food than all hell broke loose. Having set his sights firmly on the array of chocolates, sweetmeats and pastries on offer my little son, Sunny J R, went bonkers grabbing at the goodies and creating chaos. Failing to rein in the enfant terrible and cutting a sorry figure we quickly did the disappearing act, leaving our unfinished meal behind.
I have always got the art of eating crabs and lobsters wrong. These nutritious crustaceans are on top of my list of favourite things to eat but more often than not I end up making a complete mess or soiling my attire. On one of my hotel jaunts, I had placed an order for lobster meat. The dish arrived with pliers, knives and fork. After unsuccessfully grappling with the tools, I ended up eating with my bare hands.
Once while serving in a rural centre I was invited to a village feast. The overwhelming hospitality shown by the village folks was something that I have seldom seen. I ended up stuffed with meat, food and liquor. The binge eating resulted in an upset tummy and the resultant hangover lasted two whole days.It is said that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But sometimes things can get a little bizarre!
N J Ravi Chander
Email: ravichander244@gmail.com