BENGALURU: I hate Valentine’s Day, as most of us do. Not because I am single, mind you. I’ve had many Valentine’s Days with romantic partners and I still hated it. Christmas has a long history and is just as commercial, but I can get on board with it because it’s for everyone. Valentine’s Day just makes me sick because it’s really just about fancy dinners and lame gifts. And if you’re the type of person who succumbs to buying roses and chocolates and showing up at her home or office with the same, well….I feel sorry for you too.
If I sound like some jaded bachelor, it’s okay. I’m in my 30s and I’ve learned a lot over the years. One of the biggest lessons you’ll also learn in your adventures in love is that the movies and pop culture aren’t telling you the truth. Dancing around Bollywood starlets with 300 men isn’t romantic, it’s creepy and scary.
Showing a girl how much you like her with things like cool shades and other cliche materialistic gift isn’t a formula for a lasting love life either. I mean, there probably are guys and girls who like that stuff. But if that’s what makes them not shout at you or get them to give you whatever physical or emotional company you seek...that’s not healthy. India is funny because modern dating,just like our movies, comedy world, pub life and so on take a few years to catch up to world wide trends. Guys in the US and UK are realising the age old adage that while nice guys may not finish last, they’re not exactly running the same race. Or better said that if you truly like a girl and want her to like you back, doing things like spending all your money on dinners and gifts isn’t going to get her to like you. In fact, she probably won’t even respect you. These days we pretty much have everything we want on our phones and a girl or guy will pick someone who is more interesting or charming then a person who has money, fancy clothes or a nice car.
If you’re this type of guy, all I can say is welcome to the club, you’re not alone. The good news is it’s not too late to change. The bad news is it’s not super easy to either. I’m not advocating being a jerk, a playboy or try to the be a bad boy you think you need to be. I’m just saying don’t succumb to societies pressures of what you think you have to do.
Those are all designed to make you buy things the advertisers so creatively put in all the movies and music videos you see. Anybody who likes you for those things isn’t liking you at all. Take a cue from your friends who do well in the dating department. What do they do that you like? What do they do that you don’t? Once you introspect and start looking inside yourself - others will start looking at you too. If you keep saying “I want a girlfriend/boyfriend” it’s never going to happen. Maybe use that time, since it will pass anyways to have other people say “I want you.”
If you drop the pressure on yourself, you’ll rise up and shine. It might take a week, a month, or in reality a year or two. But I guarantee it will happen. If not, at least you’ll be a better talker and in shape.
(Born in New York, the writer of this column is a stand up comedian based in Bengaluru. He is popular for his sketches on city life, modern relationships and everyday absurdities. Follow him on Twitter at @smanak.)