Anger is a natural emotion and everyone gets angry at one time or another. There are some who seem to get more angry than others and things that they do not like can often trigger ‘fits of rage’. Others seem more controlled. And yet others may not show their anger at all.
This tells you that the way we behave when we are angry is something that can be controlled, leading to differences in the way it is expressed. However, it is important to separate the feeling (like irritation, annoyance, frustration) from the behaviour (like shouting, hitting, breaking things).
The media promotes the concept of ‘the angry young man’ and expressing anger is seen as an expression of ‘masculinity’. A Bollywood film hero breaks into a fight to punish the ‘bad guy’ and this violence as an expression of anger is warranted. However, when a boy gets into a fight on the road with somebody, he does not have the right to hurt the other person. It has been found in studies that children who watch violence on television are more prone to be aggressive. Your parents also play a large role in how anger is expressed. If your mother/father slaps you or bangs the door or throws things when he/she is angry, there are chances that you will repeat this same behaviour when you are angry.
There are some strategies to deal with anger:
1. Relaxation: take a deep breath and count till 10. Practise simple relaxation exercises when you are stressed or anxious because anger is a common emotion. Yoga also helps to calm you down and if it is integrated within your daily routine, you will be more composed.
2. Changing thoughts: When you are angry, thinking can get less rational and you may tend to abuse or swear. Try replacing the angry thoughts with thoughts like “It is frustrating and it’s natural that I will be upset about it but being rude is not going to help”.
3. Problem solving: Sometimes situations may be difficult to cope with and anger is a spontaneous reaction. All problems may not have easy solutions but it is important to try and deal with it and not blame anybody. For example, if you feel frustrated about not getting good marks in examinations, it is important to look at how you are studying, and whether you need additional help with the subject.
4. Improved communication: Describe the situation that makes you angry and find ways to express the anger in an assertive manner without getting aggressive. For example, if you feel angry when your friend constantly borrows money from you, instead of saying, “you make me angry,” say “I feel angry when you keep asking for money. I wish you would stop doing that”. Listen carefully to the other person before responding. If you keep cool, the situation will not get out of hand.
5. Physical exercise: Exercise helps you let off steam. When you are angry, go for a walk, play a game, or go for a jog. Think about going for martial arts classes — they teach you to control your physical force and maintain self-discipline.
6. Seeking help: if you feel that your anger is hard to manage and has a negative effect on your relationships and life, take the help a counsellor who will help you manage anger better.
It is important to express anger in an appropriate and socially acceptable manner. When anger is not expressed, stress builds up and it can lead to high blood pressure, peptic ulcers and heart attacks. Thus, let off the steam... it will definitely make you feel better.