The other day I read an article in a newspaper about being ‘gracious’ and then wondered what it really meant... was it being polite, was it being open to feedback, was it being able to appreciate others genuinely or was it being generous in sharing credit with those we worked with on a project? It probably means all of this and even more.
In our daily lives, we face many situations where we hear opinions from our friends, family or acquaintances. These could be related to how we look, what we wear, how we speak in class, what our parents think of our friends, what our teachers think about our academic performance or when we are playing a sport. Some of these comments may be critical but if we react to these ‘attacks’, whether real or perceived, and become locked in a battle of bitterness and hate, things often spiral out of control.
Critique is not recognised as feedback to reflect upon and given a chance for explanation, it is by counter-criticism and spite. However, by not reacting with hate but with empathy, by explaining ourselves matter-of-factly and not attacking the other, the interaction could be one of reconciliation and understanding. In the end, everyone feels better about themselves in the process.
Once, Steve Jobs was seen offering a public apology for messing up on an application on the iphone5 and advising its followers to download the products of its competitors instead. He did not make excuses but simply accepted the problem without putting a spin on it.
Today, there are very few people who apologise and admit to having made a mistake. Apology to most people is a sign of defeat and weakness that we find difficult to use. People challenge the notion of graciousness and have a cynical view of to those who are open to criticism and say they are sorry.
It is important to break the cycle of anger and create a new beginning. I heard a teacher apologising to a student one day and the student visibly moved, replied “Teachers do not say sorry”... I wonder why?
We must respect differences amongst us because of our religion, culture, upbringing, values and ethos. We will be gracious if we recognise that other people’s opinion may be different from ours, that everybody has a right to make a mistake and that we need to forgive them and start anew without holding a grudge against them. After all, the weapon called grace conquers many hearts and sets us apart as being more human.