Mothers are selfish, probably in the most adequate way as its definition stands for. Mothers are also an embodiment of altruism. And both these behaviours are intrinsically stitched into them as soon as a girl becomes a mother. And these behaviours glimmer throughout the growth of their child, perhaps in the most adorable manner. Their prejudiced behaviour towards their own reflection, their sons and daughters, never fades till their last breath. A boon or bane that motherhood comes with by default.
For the child, who has been pampered throughout, her absence can be smothering. More so, when the child is in his or her teen.
According to M V Rajagopal, a psychiatrist, loss of a mother at an early age, does have an impact on the child, more so if he or she finds another women taking their mother’s place. “But, the greater dent is when the loss happens when the child is in his or her teen. It is a stage when they can make sense of things and are in a position to take ‘limping’ decisions or take ‘shaky’ stand on issues or problems. They think, they are on the right track, but remember, most often than not, they are limping or are shaky,” he said.
Just what happened with Suresh Purnia, a 17-year-old student, who has been with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) for the past 4 months. He lost his mother when he was 14 years old. A smart boy, his grades started falling soon. His loving father could not care much, though he tried, says Suresh Venkat K C, a volunteer at AA. “Purnia suddenly withdrew himself into a cocoon. He then hit the bottle and since then, he has been on it stealing money from his father, who remained a silent spectator. The impact of his mother’s loss was too hard for Purnia and on the advice of few of his neighbours, his father brought him to AA. He is still in his own world, but I am sure he will get over it,” said Suresh.
That is one good thing about life. You get over it and learn to live with the loss, but unlike anything or anybody, the loss of a mother lives within you, always. No mother or for that matter, any parent, is meant to die when you are in your teens.
And mother, definitely not, because more than the father, it is she who carves you...she makes you, she completes you. But Kishore Chander could not be carved. When he was only a quarter complete, he lost his mother and within a year of his mother departing, he found himself in a juvenile home.
Having spent about six months in the home, he gathered himself and is now working as a waiter at a small restaurant. “I wavered after she left. There was no direction. Now, when I see a happy family, I just look at my mother’s photo which I always carry in my pocket. I am now looking to be a certified guide and travel to different places. At least then I can show directions to people,” said Kishore who insists on speaking in English with a few of his customers so as to learn the language.
There are many Sureshs and Kishores out there whose dream of a good life met with a temporary roadblock after the sudden loss of their guide, their friend, their teacher, their god...their mother. Memories of whatever bit that they shared might just remain for long, but then life is selfish too. It lives on someway or the other...mother or no mother.