Anurati was having ice cream with a group of friends. She mentioned that her family was planning a trip to Italy in the holidays and she was really excited about it.
Immediately Anika responded, “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. Florida is much more fun! So how are you getting there?” “We’re taking Continental Airlines,” was her reply. “Mamma says we got a good deal!” “Continental is a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flights are always late.We always fly Emirates. Where are you staying in Rome?” “My mother says we will be staying at this little place, on Rome’s River Tiber... it is called Teste.”
“I have never heard of it. We always stay at the St Regis Grand. Our hotel always has to be special and exclusive. Good luck on this trip of yours — you’re going to need it.” Suddenly the trip Anurati had been dreaming about did not seem so enchanting any more.. her excitement suddenly evaporated.
Dear Readers, people like Anika are called toxic people. We all probably know a few -- we may be friends with some or even live with some. The sooner we recognise them and minimise their impact on us, the better. If you have any in your lives, it is time to shun them now and break free. Toxic individuals have a negative impact on our thinking, our mental health and our forward momentum.
How do we recognise these toxic people? Jonathan Long gives us some tips:
1. They are judgemental and will find a way to criticise anything and everything they come in contact with. They come to conclusions before they hear any facts -- they do not listen and are horrible at communicating. Asking for advice or feedback from a toxic person is a complete waste of time.
2. They are envious and will not be happy for you -- ever. They feel that all good things should happen to them and nobody else. In life it is very important to have friends who support you and are there to congratulate you when you need it and deserve it.
3. They are control freaks because they believe they know everything and they know the best way to do everything. Such people can be a hindrance in your personal life as well as in any situation that requires team members who have to listen and follow instructions. Toxic people are arrogant and feel they are better than everyone around them.
5. They behave like martyrs and victims and always make excuses and blame others for their mistakes and wrongdoing; they never accept responsibility for any action of theirs. They are often liars and gossips and it's hard to depend on them because there is uncertainty and tension.
Does this sound like any of your friends? Here are some tips to steer clear from them.
Establish boundaries and don't apologise for them Personal Boundaries are necessary for maintaining good relationships. If people don’t respect your boundaries they aren’t respecting you. Make a list of your own personal boundaries, and don’t be afraid to tell others if they cross them. Friendship does not mean that we can impose on another's space, time and energy.
Know that toxic people won't leave easily
Toxic people will not just “go away”. They may push back and become irrational, angry or act like victims. Don’t beat around the bush or defend yourself; tell toxic people the truth and be consistent and firm in your decision.
Recognise the signs
You must learn to recognise the signs when a person is not a positive influence on you and protect yourself from them in the same way you protect yourself from catching a cold by washing your hands and avoiding contact with infected people.
Watch out for people who negatively affect you, make you feel uncomfortable or unproductive -- they are not your friends. It’s ok to say, “I don’t want to see you again.” Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good rather than drag you down. True friends are not flatterers, but you feel happy in their company and they help you assess your strengths and weaknesses wisely.Choose your friends wisely and feel the happiness they radiate.