BENGALURU: “I haven’t found the right person yet”, a dialogue all young, thinking, single individuals perhaps have to repeat on thousands of occasions. What is the solution to this problem? Should it just be left to luck and chance? Meeting more and more people is really not the solution here. So, is there a sure shot way to make sure you attract the right person? I say yes. And the best part is that it is really in your control to do that.
Always be who you are – always
Trying to be something that you’re not, not only confuses you, it also confuses the people interacting with you. You want to be with someone who likes you for who you are. You do not want to be in a relationship where you have to constantly pretend. Sometimes, I think this is more to do with our society’s conditioning and the dos and don’ts that are expected of us.
The reality is that each and every one of us is unique and thank God for that! Like most of us, I was brought up to learn right from wrong and to be vocal when I feel that someone is at fault. This could range from showing vocal dissent to someone breaking a line to stopping someone from beating up someone defenceless on the street.
I’ve had many a men who could not handle this “aggressive streak” in me, and then I found my husband who thinks that it is one of the strongest qualities that attracted him to me. We’ve been happy together for the last 9 years and he often asks me to do repeat acts of how I got mad at someone jumping the line or throwing trash out of their car.
Do things you enjoy
If you’re an urban and educated single, you might have heard a well-meaning friend say “It will happen when you least expect it.” What it really means is to involve yourself in activities that you really enjoy and do things that you love, so when you’re not looking for it, you might meet the right person. Nothing is more attractive than the vibe you generate when you are happy and carefree. A friend of mine fell in love with her husband when he was passionately explaining the technique of serious mountaineering. Although she is still not remotely interested in scaling any mountain heights, she says she was blown away with his immense positive energy.
He continues to follow his passion and conquer mountain peaks and she loves her luxury spas and lounging around in hammocks – a rock solid happy marriage – held together both by passion within and outside their relationship.
Respect yourself and know how you would like to be treated
This is perhaps the trickiest and most important point because learning to respect yourself has to come from within. And, once you know how you would like to be treated, don’t settle for anything less. Believe me, this definitely makes life easy for the other person as well since you are navigating them into your life.
It takes the pressure off them, and they don’t have to struggle to figure out how to behave around you. Surprisingly, it takes very simple actions like, not being okay with someone showing up repeatedly late, constantly changing plans or talking incessantly on the phone while they are with you. To establish this, you have to let the other person know that this just does not work for you and if it still does not resonate with them, it’s time to move on and find someone with who it does!
The examples are true experiences. I’d love to hear what you think and whether these resonate with you.
(The writer is the founder and COO of Floh.in)