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Politics does not give you a chance for retakes, Thalaiva!

Congratulations on your bold, long-pending decision, and welcome to the world of politics - a world darker than a Mani Ratnam film’s backdrop.

Published: 12th January 2018 10:49 PM  |   Last Updated: 13th January 2018 07:39 AM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

Thalaiva,

Congratulations on your bold, long-pending decision, and welcome to the world of politics - a world darker than a Mani Ratnam film’s backdrop. A world more absurd than the sets of a Shankar movie.
When you spoke of ‘Spiritual Politics’, it rang a distant bell. I had watched your film Baba, and having understood nothing, I was sure there was a deeper, subliminal and spiritual meaning to it.

Thalaiva, you’re not the first film star to dip his toes into the gutter of Indian politics. Up north, a number of film stars have burnt their fingers trying to tame the disorderly horse that is politics. The results however, were similar to the box office results of Lingaa. Many of these stars have since given up, or suffered huge losses, or changed parties depending on the direction the wind blows.

For you see, politics is a different ball game, Thalaiva. There are no retakes - as the politicians caught surfing porn in the Parliament will tell you.There are no stunt doubles - as the politicians rotting in Tihar jail will confirm. You are an actor of great stature and experience; but politics requires acting of a different kind.

You will have to show great restraint with political leaders who have the heart of Chitti the Robot. You might have ridden a horse magnificently in Kochadaiyaan, but you will have to maintain your composure during intense horse-trading.

Unlike the villains of your movies, who lurk in shady streets and bootleg liquor, you will have to compete with villains dressed in white kurtas with folded hands.Unlike the film Sivaji, where developed roads built themselves as you walked across the village, things could get sticky here. There will be corporators building roads that provide unwanted back massages to honest, tax-paying citizens. It is going to be a difficult journey, Thalaiva.

However, you are to contest in Tamil Nadu, a state that has been kinder to its stars dabbling in politics. You are going to take on two political parties that are firmly entrenched in the minds of the people, and I wish you all the luck in the world!

While we are on the topic of laws, would it be possible for you to enact a few laws, Thalaiva?
Can you please ban people from talking on their phones during movies? I have missed the greatest of your dialogues, listening instead to people listing out grocery items to their better halves. I have had the pleasure of listening to people call up their friends and provide running expert commentary on the film playing on the screen.

Can you also do something about the inhumane pricing of popcorn and soft drinks in movie theatres? I have spent a good portion of my monthly salary on accompaniments that cost more than the movie I came to watch!In fact, so absurd are the prices, that your next villain could be a Movie Theater Popcorn Vendor.

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