BENGALURU : Valentine’s Day is less than a month away. Along with Rose Day a week before Valentine’s, it can be quite the minefield. It has been a well-used trope in high school TV dramas for years, with the popularity of the hapless students at stake. Every other serial has one student, or a few, sending themselves roses and other gifts to make themselves look popular, and then there are stories where people who aren’t really interested in each other, act as if they are, just to increase their perceived attractiveness to other possible suitors. The latter is a theme used in Bridgerton, one of the new serials on Netflix, and as with most such stories, the two acting as if they are in a relationship, kind of end up in one. We see these in our own shows as well.
Sometimes it is to make the actual target of romantic feelings jealous, and at other times, it is not really targeted at any one specific individual but a general performance, like so many peacocks strutting around with all their feathers fluffed up, hoping some potential mate would notice – any potential mate, really. The hint of desire can get quickly become a broad stroke of desperation.
The movies often show the characters in such charades having their comeuppance sooner or later. It is often quite public, and very dramatic - the stuff that becomes fodder for nightmares for all sorts of adult fears of humiliation, be it at the workplace or in society in general. That’s the risk.Be as that might, the point of it is simply this: Can we really attract love by pretending that love already exists, or at the very least, showcasing ourselves as lovable?
The short answer is yes. Much as we might wish, love doesn’t just happen magically in an instant while we go about our everyday business, even if we romanticise just that. The chances of eyes meeting eyes in a bus, or while on a walk in the park, or across the room while making a presentation to the marketing director, and immediately falling in love happens rarely, if ever.
Maybe you’d have the initial attraction, but after that, you would try to dress up, smell better, get a haircut, get your friends or family to meet and talk you up - all designed to present your most loveable self, and yes, it does get attention and, if you are lucky, affection as well.
Putting oneself our to find love and getting it to stick takes a lot of work. It is quite a risk and takes some real vulnerability to get a shot at it. Much as it might seem foolish that someone pretends to be in love to attract love, or send themselves love letters or roses, it takes a certain bravery as well. We might all want it, but not all of us might have the courage for it.If the price one pays for it is a dozen roses, then it really is not too much. (The author is a counsellor with InnerSight)