The right relationship

And being frightened, we run away from it through attachment, through activity, through every form of religious or worldly entertainment.

Published: 28th October 2021 06:31 AM  |   Last Updated: 28th October 2021 06:31 AM   |  A+A-

Express News Service

BENGALURU: Most of us realise we are lonely — when we dare face it — terribly lonely, isolated human beings. And if we are consciously, or unconsciously, aware of it, we want to escape from it because we don’t know what is behind it, what lies through it and beyond it. And being frightened, we run away from it through attachment, through activity, through every form of religious or worldly entertainment.

This is fairly obvious when one observes this in oneself. We, by our very everyday activity, by our attitudes and way of thinking, isolate ourselves, though we may have intimate relationship we are always working, thinking about ourselves. And the result of it is — if you can examine it, as we shall presently — much more isolation, loneliness, greater dependency on outward things, greater attachment and the subsequent suffering from it. I do not know if you are aware of all this at all. And perhaps we could become aware, if you will, of this thing called loneliness, isolation in our relationships, attachment, dependency and suffering. This is what is going on all the time, if one is observant, in ourselves.

We are thinking about ourselves endlessly: how healthy we are, or unhealthy, that we must meditate, sit rightly, that we must make progress, we must change, we must have a better job, more money, better relationship — me and my — you follow? The eternal circle, a vicious circle that is going on all the time. This self-concern does produce through its daily occupation, daily travail, daily relationship, an isolating process. I think this again is fairly obvious. And this isolation ends up, if one goes into it pretty deeply and thoroughly, into an awareness of loneliness, being completely alone, isolated, not having any relationship with anything, though you may be in a crowd, or sitting next to your friend. Suddenly it comes upon you, this sense of isolation, this sense of completely being cut off from all relationship. I do not know if you have not noticed it. Haven’t you? Or is this something of which you have no knowledge?

If you are aware of it, and becoming aware of it, knowing it — it is there — we try to escape from it, don’t we? — occupation, nagging, thinking about meditation as an escape. And all this, doesn’t it indicate that the mind, whatever it is, shallow, or deep, or superficial, or merely caught in technological knowledge, the mind being occupied with itself all the time must cut itself off from every form of relationship. And relationship is the most important thing in life, because if we have not the right relationship with one — please listen to this — if we have not the right relationship with the one, you cannot possibly have right relationship with any other human being.

You can imagine you’ll have a better relationship with another, but it is just a verbal, imaginative relationship. But if you understand what relationship is, relationship between two human beings and therefore with the rest of the world, then isolation, loneliness with all its suffering, has quite a different meaning. So what is relationship? We are going back after establishing what a relationship is, to try to find out why human beings are so desperately lonely, wanting to be loved, not having love, cutting themselves off, both physically, psychologically, and thereby becoming neurotic. Don’t you know so many people are so extraordinarily neurotic? 

Including ourselves of course, not others! Slightly unbalanced, fixed on some particular idiosyncrasy. All this arises, it seems to me, if you examine it closely and go into it, from the utter lack of the right relationship.


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