BENGALURU : Tirning pages Except for women who manage to build considerable domain expertise and a formidable résumé before taking a short maternity break, most others stand the risk of getting sidelined and seeing their career graph dip in some manner. Unless they are allowed to grab good opportunities that come their way later in life, they will never get a chance at catching up and stand the risk of always remaining distant second earners. True equality demands that every career move for both the spouses takes into account the implications for the other spouse’s career.
Earning power alone cannot always dictate every family decision. If spouses were to take turns at prioritizing their careers, the man could need to compromise his career from time to time and, as a result, could meet with some what lower success as compared to when his wife would have constantly taken the backseat. I wonder how many men would be willing to do that.
I also wonder whether a woman’s conditioning would allow her to find the idea of a less successful husband attractive! Our conditioning is so deep-rooted that it makes changing mindsets really challenging and, as you can see, there are no surefire answers. Women from my generation, now in their fifties and sixties, went into marriage assuming it would last forever. It was understood that it would be the woman who would have to make the most adjustment.
That is what the family and society expected. The idea of ‘the complete man’ came a bit later. Today’s young girls are not satisfied being the supporting cast they would like to be leading ladies. And I don’t see any reason why they should not, as girls are doing all the things that men did, including taking on financial responsibilities. Young women today are clear about their need for financial autonomy, and want to be equal partners in sharing expenses and contributing to buying a house. As more women jump into careers, they need support from parents, and often it is the girl’s parents whose help is sought in managing the home and kids.
Traditional-minded parents are not comfortable living in their daughter’s home, certainly not for an extended period of time. Women believe that if they co-own the home along with their husbands, it goes a long way in creating an equal status for them as well as their parents. Disparity in earning between the spouses has the potential to alter the power dynamics at home. The widening of the gap diminishes the share of voice of the lower earner even further. They find it difficult to justify their time away from home as they feel that the money earned by them minus the money spent doesn’t make it worth while.
The argument is flawed at two levels. Firstly, household expenses should be looked at as a percentage of the total income of the household, not the woman’s salary alone. Besides, money isn’t the only reason why women work. So, when you quit, you are probably giving up your entire career, your qualifications and your professional worth along with your earnings of a couple of decades in the future, not simply the month’s or year’s salary alone.
At such times, just hanging in there and waiting for the tough phase to pass is the best advice anyone can give you. In any case, never quit when you are emotionally vulnerable. Sharing your problem with others could lead you to new solutions or at least make you realize that you are not the first person to face such a problem, and encourage you to carry on.
Demanding Equality
The gender wage gap has been a long-standing issue all over the world. The degree varies across geographies and across professions or sectors. Normally, this is attributed to the fact that men negotiate harder, but I suspect that it also has to do with the problem that women don’t seem to be comfortable demanding more, saying that they deserve more. (Excerpted from Anita Bhogle’s book, Equal Yet Different with permission from Penguin Random House India)