As the debate on same-sex marriage is on and the Supreme Court is hearing pleas of petitioners,
Steni Simon takes a look at what couples in Bengaluru have to say about the need to legalise same-sex marriages and the challenges involved
Shraddha & Revathy
Twenty-six-year-old Shraddha* and 24-year-old Revathy* (names changed on request) have been in Bengaluru for the past three years. Both of them, however, are originally from Kolkata. It was while Revathy was doing her dissertation on how queer people are politicised via clothing that she met Shraddha. “She approached me as part of her dissertation and our conversations, later on, became friendly and love came into the equation,” says Shraddha.
Though it has been three years since the couple started living together, it was only two years ago that they moved in together. “Our friends know about our relationship but our parents are still unaware,” shares Shraddha, adding, “We have to face many challenges in society, especially while using public transport. Even if same-sex marriage is made legal in our country, it takes time for people to embrace it wholeheartedly. If the same-sex marriage verdict is favourable, then people like us can openly talk about it without fear.”
Highlighting the challenges faced by them, Shraddha says, “If my partner and I want to open a joint bank account, we will be asked several questions and wouldn’t even get one because our relationship cannot be termed as one of a ‘relative’. Either we have to say a friend or cousin. With same-sex marriage coming into effect, getting basic needs like medical insurance will be feasible. There are many queer people who are confused and can’t commit to a relationship. If things are legalised, we can at least raise our voices and tell people that what we are doing is not illegal.” Shraddha’s partner Revathy agrees. “The same-sex marriage law will also talk about the future of the queer community. It will help the queer communities to talk about themselves without fear and even share their choices without fear.”
Ankur Bhatnagar & Deepak Sharma
Due to societal stigma, self-acceptance of sexuality is challenging. But couple Ankur Bhatnagar and Deepak Sharma chose to be true to themselves and celebrate their sexuality with pride. “Deepak and I met on a dating website in 2010, and to our surprise, we shared the same date of birth, including the year, as well as profession - animation. Little did we know, this was only the start of an enchanting love story,” shares 35-year-old Bhatnagar from Haryana.
He says, “When I initially came out, my family considered my interest in men a disease, and they did everything to change my mind. They even forced me to marry a woman of their choice and I succumbed. After the marriage, I felt I had done wrong and spoiled a girl’s life. That’s when I took a stand and got divorced. However, at that time, Article 377 was in place so I could not openly speak about my sexuality and my love for Deepak.”
After a decade of togetherness, their families finally came to terms with their choices and understood the love they had for each other. “Getting acceptance from all our loved ones was painstaking, but we believe that love has no reason or boundaries. Its sole intention is to bring two people together, forever,” says Bhatnagar.
Now, after 12 years of being together, and having adopted three pooches, the couple has decided to tie the knot fully aware of the challenges that lie ahead. “We would love to adopt an intersex child. During the pandemic, we fed street dogs and prepared meals for 300 Covid patients. We’re trying our best to redefine couple goals,” shares Bhatnagar, a 3D VFX animator.
They strongly believe in the LGBTQ cause, that their desires need to be considered normal in the eyes of society. “We strongly believe that labels aside, we are all unique, and we are all valid,” says Bhatnagar.
Sayantika Majumder & Nick Prakash
Nikita aka ‘Nick’ Prakash and Sayantika Majumder have known each other for many years now. It was, however, in 2019 that both of them met at an LGBTQ+ cricket match where they hardly knew that their conversations would soon turn into friendship and then someday into love.
Majumder and her partner Nick, who is 33 years old, are both from different cultural backgrounds. Majumder is Bengali and hails from Kolkata and Nick is Maharashtrian from Mumbai. Majumder’s parents have been inclusive and open about LGBTQ+ issues. In Nick’s family, they don’t talk about such issues although they have known of Majumder and Nick.
As a lesbian couple, Majumder says, “People still hurl hate comments and discrimination against us on social media but we have also come across people not just from the queer community but also others who have showered a lot of support.” In fact, the couple has started an Instagram page (@nick_and_sayantika) in order to normalise the LGBTQ+ narratives and has been creating awareness of same-sex marriage through their page.
It’s been almost two years since Majumder and Nick moved in together in Bengaluru. However, 32-year-old Majumder says, “There are many real challenges that we are facing since the same-sex marriage law is not yet passed in India. Marriage isn’t just about the wedding but it is about a lot of rights that you get once you are a legally married couple, including the right to adoption, insurance, owning a house etc. For example, when Nick bought a house recently, we didn’t have the option to take a house loan together or own the house together as a married couple can. Even medical interventions are often denied. We are no less than any one else. Then why are we denied these rights?”