BENGALURU: I did not study Science. It wasn’t just due to a lack of marks; I was never really interested. Physics seemed like the domain of psychics and Chemistry was a mystery to me. So, I chose instead to study Commerce for five years and remember nothing of it.
However, if you’re an engineer reading this column – here’s an urgent appeal. In the world of science, products are on a constant path of innovation. It’s what makes us human – this needs constant betterment and efficiency. However, with decades of industrial and technological revolutions, a few products have been left behind. As a Commerce (and then Arts) student, these products require urgent innovation.
Firstly, we have showers. Every bathroom in India has a different permutation combination for turning on the hot water. Knobs, levers, and pulleys resemble a time machine. We have all been drenched like Tom and scampered like Jerry while trying to check if the water is hot. We have all become part-time DJs - twisting and turning the knobs cluelessly.
Next up - combs. I know combs are not going to change the world in any way. But since my childhood, I have only seen two kinds - combs with thin teeth and combs with large teeth. Anybody with hair will confirm that both kinds are completely useless. Combed hair rarely stays in place, and I have spent a lifetime combing markets for a decent one. I hope some of you change the state of combs in the world.
This brings me to mosquito repellents. Since my birth, I have seen humanity bravely throw up options to curb mosquitoes. From the mosquito coils that would make you coil and throw up in disgust. To mosquito ‘mats’, that mosquitoes found comfortable to fly in and sleep on. To mosquito-repellent creams that repelled humans as a side effect. To mosquito liquids, whose red lights act like target points for mosquitoes to come and attack humans. This innovation might even win you a Nobel prize.
As we come closer to home, here is my final request – tongue cleaners. Toothbrushes are constantly innovating. Modern toothbrushes come with batteries, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and mother’s blessings. The bristles are micro-perforated to reach every nook and corner of your teeth, making you wonder if Elon Musk is secretly working on your toothbrush! But tongue cleaners have been rotting at the bottom of the innovation barrel.
In the name of tongue cleaners, we are given those metal strips that were made from Aurangzeb’s sword. People are usually in a good mood while brushing their teeth, humming ‘Paas aao…’ (Come here). But have you heard the sound they make when they clean their tongue? It’s the sound of a million taste buds dying every morning. I have used the metal tongue cleaner for so long, I have lost all sensation of taste. I can’t tell a Mysore bonda from an aloo bonda. I’m constantly petrified of the toothpaste lady turning up at my door and asking if my toothpaste has salt in it. And me having to tearfully admit that I cannot taste anything at all.
Do something about tongue cleaners, dear engineers. You will win no awards and no recognition for this innovation. But I promise, I will be indebted to you for life. I will name my children's pets after you. I’ll write books in your honour, and sing songs in your glory. And if my editor (a very kind person, I must add!) allows me, I will also write a column dedicated to you!
Yours sincerely,
A Commerce and Arts student.