BENGALURU: In the contemporary world, people are increasingly choosing to break away from traditional living arrangements and explore alternative lifestyles. For women, in particular, living alone is becoming more common. However, as an independent writer Sumaa Tekur discovered, it is still not the norm. In her book Table for One, Tekur, who describes herself as ‘fiercely independent’, shares her experience of living alone for the past 12 years and offers advice and encouragement to other women who are considering the same path.
Written in a diary format, the book explores the politics of solo living and various challenges that one inevitably faces in the Indian cultural context. “In the West, it is common for women to live independently as soon as they hit 16-17 years of age. They live with peers or alone, and they hustle and get things done. It’s all considered normal. A similar culture exists in the Far East as well. In countries like South Korea, people leave their homes and go looking for opportunities, while living alone,” Tekur explains. “Here, if you are an unmarried woman in your 40s or 50s and if your parents are living in the same city, it’s unheard of for them to live separately,” she says. “You cannot break the family unit. The woman doesn’t get to have her own private space. In that context, this book is quite unique.”
Having practiced solo living for over a decade, Tekur says she only realised how unique her situation was just a few years ago, prompting her to share her experiences. “Although it isn’t that uncommon for a single woman in her thirties to live alone, it still isn’t that mainstream,” she says. Tekur wanted to write about her experience and create a manifesto for other women who are looking to do the same. “It took nearly four years to write it, but the hardest part was actually putting myself out there,” she admits. “Being a private person, having to share personal anecdotes about my life was, to say the least, very hard.”
But the writing process was also cathartic for Tekur, who, along the way, realised that she hadn’t addressed a lot of things about her living situation – especially about how people perceive it. “The key takeaway is that one has to learn to be comfortable with themselves, regardless of the situation,” she says, adding, “My reason for living alone was my fierce independence. I wanted my own space for extended periods of time to do things in my own way. I wanted to stretch that independence and explore it completely. The book looks at how I took the plunge because that’s a difficult aspect. Convincing the most important people in your life that you want to live alone is difficult,” Tekur shares.
While some may live alone by choice, others have to do so by circumstance. “For instance, two of my aunts lost their spouses in their 60s and due to social circumstances, they were forced to learn to live alone. For some, that can be a terrifying experience,” Tekur says, adding “Exploring a different living format, breaking away from the traditional moUld, is still not the norm. But living alone can be a rewarding experience, and I hope my book can help more women find the courage to take that step.”
City-based author Sumaa Tekur’s latest book is a manual for solo living based on her experiences. In conversation with CE, Tekur shares why she chose to pen the book and the joys and adversities she experienced as a woman living alone in her thirties