BENGALURU: Nothing has captured the interest of the nation in the last week like the Ambani pre-wedding celebrations that took place in Jamnagar. Like middle-class couples of the ’90s, we all peaked over our digital fences to steal a look at what happened. News reports of the amount of money spent kept flooding our feeds. Of course, my Communist comrades criticised the ‘obscene show of opulence’, while sipping on Red Starbucks.
But weddings are an integral part of our culture. So much so that our art is reflective of the importance of weddings in our culture. The biggest blockbusters in our country have wedding songs where the family comes together to dance. Our most famous novels and plays are centred around weddings. Music and dance can also be found at weddings. If anything, weddings are crucial to our existence as Indians.
At the risk of offending my Communist friends, I would like to clarify that I am a supporter of extravagant displays of opulence. Traditionally, the rich in our country are expected to be humble and pious. But that is boring! It was fun to see Bollywood stars appear like middle-class guests – travelling in buses, serving food, and dancing in the background. It was fun to watch Hollywood stars descend to the Jamnagar Met Gala. To watch Rihanna perform, thus coming under the Jio Umbrella-ella-ella-ella.
But I’m sure there were things typical to Indian weddings too. I can imagine billionaire aunties complaining that the gajar halwa wasn’t 24-carrot pure. Or rich uncles trying to convince the bartender to keep the bar open for a little longer! Youngsters doing the ‘Serpentine Cha-Cha-Cha’ – the billionaire version of the Naagin dance. I imagine Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates must have stood in line asking the pani-puri bhaiyya to give a ‘khatta-teekha mix’.
Meanwhile, we all became the nosy neighbours peeking from their balconies – through memes, news reports, and reels. In fact, I can totally understand why guests like Rihanna and Bill Gates were invited to the wedding. In my childhood, a neighbouring family boasted of Mithun Chakraborty as a guest to their wedding – it got them social clout for more than a decade after!
If anything, weddings humanise celebrities to an extent. After watching them save the nation every Friday by killing evil Pakistanis, we are reminded that they are humans too. That they get drunk, get emotional, and dance at weddings for a price. And who am I to judge these great people? As a standup comedian, I have gleefully performed at saree functions, kitty parties, and school get-togethers. I have tried to outperform the pundits at weddings, and been asked not to crack jokes on the groom in front of his future in-laws.
So amidst all the hullabaloo, I must clarify that I am all for opulent celebrity weddings. Like the great Martin Luther King, I too have a dream. I imagine a future where celebrities would become a common sight at Indian weddings. Imagine Jack Ma serving rajma, and Joe Rogan serving Rogan-josh. A future where Justin Beiber showers rice grains on newly-weds.
Or Taylor Swift gifting an angavastram made by a swift tailor! It would truly be a case of India shining! In case you’re reading this Mr Ambani – congratulations on the wedding. And I just want to conclude that I DO in fact perform at weddings, and at a fraction of the price charged by Smt Rihanna. Thank you!
(The writer’s views are his own)