Navigating Rejection

In the meantime, every ‘no’ matters – it is a big deal to even get a real ‘no ‘with enough details.
Image of a couple used for representational purposes only
Image of a couple used for representational purposes only
Updated on
2 min read

BENGALURU: One of the things new writers are told when they start submitting their manuscripts to publishers for their consideration is to value the rejections that they might get from agents and others in the process of trying to get published.

Sure, there might be that awesome writer here and there whose first book might become a sensation that has everyone bidding over it, but for most writers, it is a series of big and small rejections, lots of rewrites and edits and more, before they get accepted.

In the meantime, every ‘no’ matters – it is a big deal to even get a real ‘no ‘with enough details. The details are important and when taken seriously, can really help the writer improve what they have to offer, or know where to take what they have written, or find the right audience for them in a different way, or even to stop writing and do something else.

It is something like that with love as well. The first time we crush on someone and want to profess our love, we may just be the luckiest person in the world and have our love not just accepted, but reciprocated with great enthusiasm, and we could drive away into the sunset for a happily ever after, leaving everyone behind. The scenario that is more likely is one where we don’t get anywhere with it and get rejected, maybe not outright but rejected all the same.

Rejection stings, but we can handle it when it is to the point, offers something we can use or accept, and most of all, when it is offered with kindness and consideration.

Thing is, we associate rejection with cruelty and pain more often than a gentle but firm ‘no,’ because very often, rejections are not really about the love offered but a bitter, cold and cruel act of power and prejudice that doesn’t respect the love offered, but puts it down viciously with bile and acid in such a way that it is not just a refusal, but a slam down that is intended to hurt. That’s what we worry about most – not a rejection itself, but the way the rejection might be communicated and how we might become totally crushed in the process.

It need not be that way at all. When rejections are gently given, it can be a most beautiful experience where we go away with our self-esteem quite intact, and maybe we might even admire the object of our affection even more, while at the same time, accepting the rejection and moving on in our own way. We are not just looking at an “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “You are sweet, but I am not available,” or something like that, but a bit more personal, sensitive and compassionate message centred around the ‘no’ but with respect for the person.

If all of us learned to reject better, then all of us would be happier to take the chance that we might be rejected. That might just help us all love more openly.

(The writer’s views are personal)

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