For employees, work-from-home might sound like a utopia. But for self-employed folks like me, it is a game of avoiding distractions. Friends who drink in the afternoon, music on full blast, and my guitar calling out – while a deadline looms. Which is why I have been hunting for an ideal cafe for the last few years. If you ever have the misfortune of landing in the same boat as me, here is a ready reckoner to help you find the cafe of your dreams.
Naturally, I began with the holy grail of coffee – Starbucks. I always wanted to be the guy who walked into Starbucks, nodded, got his order, opened his laptop, and began working. I only had to visit the place thrice to understand the hype. In a nation where politicians, police, and local corporators have no respect for you – Starbucks staff make you feel at home. In three days, they knew my order, remembered that I ordered a ‘Prashanth croissant’ and that I liked to have a glass of iced water every hour. The only problem with Starbucks was the bill I would rack up every day. On some days, I found that the total coffee bills exceeded the total amount of the project I was working on! And so, with a heavy heart and light wallet, I had to bid goodbye to Starbucks!
My hunt took me to other cafes that came with their own problems. My palate had been spoilt by the expert baristas at Starbucks. After choosing between tall, grande, and venti - I could never tell if the coffee I was paying for was worth it. Also, I missed the personalisation – my name was misspelt as Hari-daya, the smiles, and the iced water every hour. But it is more than just the coffee. Cafes have a way of making you feel like paying `500 for a coffee and a banana cake is perfectly fine.
Then there is the issue of WiFi. Most cafes require you to ask politely for the WiFi. Oftentimes, the password is as ‘un-rememberable’ as a binary secret passcode in The Matrix. When you finally type in the password, you are directed to a website where you are asked to submit your name, phone number, Aadhaar Card, PAN card, and blood group. Once you are done with the entire excruciating process, the internet is as strong as the one you used on your phone in 2010! I finally settle comfortably in my seat and find that the music is too loud which might not be a problem for most, but I like my music to be PRECISELY at the right volume. At the same time, the music shouldn’t be too familiar. It should be that perfect mix of unrecognisable, vague music that gets my creative juices flowing.
I spent a few months on this treasure hunt, hopping from coffee shop to coffee shop. Some didn’t have a smoking zone, which meant I had to step into the cruel sun to get my daily dose of nicotine. Others had music too loud, coffee too hot, or food too cold. Finally, like a traveller in an inspirational novel, I returned home.
As I type out this column, a web series plays on another screen. Music is blasting from another room. A drunken friend is trying to finish his thesis. Perhaps chaos is my oasis, and a cup of filter coffee is all I need! I understand if you’re disappointed with my adventures, dear reader, but I am sure Paulo Coelho would appreciate it!
(The writer’s views are personal)