There is an old cautionary folk tale from India that starts with two people walking to their house with a donkey that they had purchased from a fair a few miles away from their village.
The two are happily walking along with their acquisition when they bump into a set of people. The strangers comment, “Look at these idiots! They bought a donkey but are walking alongside it rather than riding it!” The criticism hits home, and so, one of them sits atop the animal and they continue on their journey, till they meet somebody else, who criticises, “How selfish! Look at this young person riding merrily while the older person is walking,” and hearing that, they switch places, only to hear a mile later, “So inconsiderate! No respect for age!”
They both then ride the donkey, and for a while, they are just plodding along, till somebody accosts them, “How dare you!” This one shouts, “Just because you bought a beast of burden, you think you can burden it with all your weight? This is so cruel!” Hearing it, the two go back to just walking alongside the animal, and come full circle when close to their village, an old neighbour laughs at them: “Why even get a donkey if you don’t know how to use one!”
There are other versions of the story where the animal is of different species, and the people walking might be of different ages, genders, abilities, but the general moral of the story is the same – whatever you do, you’ll get opinions. There’s very little in the world that will win universal approval. It doesn’t mean of course that one should do whatever one wishes, but that one should be able to defend themself and their choice. This story is especially relevant in the Indian context where everyone is in each other’s business anyways.
This is true more so in the context of love and relationships than anything else. People will have an opinion about whether and when you should get into a relationship, whom with, what age gaps seem appropriate, who you should live with, what other nurturing relationships will help or hurt, who should do what in the relationship and so on. If you are single, they’d want you dating. If dating, married and if married, then to be parents, and if there’s conflict, then to stay together or divorce – the opinions are endless. It is like you are the two people in the story and the relationship is the donkey. Is your relationship important only as something of use? How much and what burden should your relationship bear?
True to the story, there’s no universally satisfactory solution, though there might be things that get universally condemned!
All you can do is to live and love according to your own ethics instead of trying to please everyone.
(The writer’s views are personal)