A common adage told to anyone going through emotional upheaval, a breakup, a fallout with parents or even the death of a loved one, is ‘time heals all wounds’. This approach to healing is something Sumaa Tekur, in her book Goodbye, I Love(d) You (Hay House Publishers India, ₹450), disagrees with, as she writes, “Anyone who has experienced heartbreak knows that pain lingers. It settles in the body, mind and small spaces of our lives. The truth is: Healing is not just something that happens to us; it is something we participate in.” This philosophy is at the core of her book, which intends to soothe, strengthen and equip readers with the spiritual tools to take charge of their healing and nurse their hearts, hurt from relationships of all kinds.
For this, Tekur draws from the medium that has healed hearts since humanity learnt to communicate: storytelling. She often draws from Indian mythology, connecting Nala and Damayanti’s separation and reunion to Luv and Kush releasing the pain of a father’s abandonment, into moments readers can hold on to. “We talk about ghosting, breadcrumbing and benching like they are new, but if you look at mythology, these things have always existed. Nala and Damayanti fell in love by sending messages through swans and got married. But when Nala lost his kingdom and they were living in the forest, he was consumed by guilt and left her in the middle of the night. They got back together, but only after each one had gone through a spiritual journey,” she explains, adding, “I felt it was important to tell these stories as a reminder that everything we go through in relationships – loneliness and despair – has always existed and we are not alone in this.”
Tekur’s chapters also weave in psychology to make sense of things. For her, the two are intertwined. “I’ve begun to understand that all these philosophies intersect beautifully. There are physical and mental layers and if you go deeper, there’s an energetic layer with modalities in spirituality which teach us how to manage pain. Then, an even deeper layer of cosmic and karmic connections. This book is an attempt at connecting the dots as simply as possible,” she explains.
While romantic heartbreak is a major part of the book, it is not the sole focus. Much of Tekur’s guidance – from acknowledging the need to heal, to how to leave a relationship, the pitfalls of waiting for someone to change and simple rituals for letting go – apply for, ‘every type of relationship, be it with friends, colleagues and neighbours,’ she says.
If there’s anything she hopes readers take away from the book, it’s that the power is in their hands. “Each of us reaches a point of reflection in relationships and has a choice: go deeper and use it to grow or just distract ourselves and postpone the problem. I hope this book gives readers the courage to sit with their feelings in the most honest way possible.”