The garden of happiness

When there is a problem in the family, own up responsibility for it by saying, ‘I am the cause,’ and try to resolve it. This is the best way to face and solve an issue.

Published: 04th July 2013 10:05 AM  |   Last Updated: 04th July 2013 10:05 AM   |  A+A-


Married life can be like an evergreen, fertile land capable of  multiple crops. Instead, why does it wilt under dry spells? How many children grow up watching furious squabbles between their parents, as though they were living through a war?

How to transform such a relationship into a garden of joy where birds sing and butterflies flutter around?

How to bring in the cool comfort of a heavenly waterfall at home?

The answers to these lie in a fundamental truth. What is the truth?

In any relationship, there are bound to be differences of opinion. Some differences will remain unresolved. Universally, you can never find a couple without discord. Please understand this truth. One should learn to be happy despite problems. One should learn the art of dissipating a problem without allowing it to grow to mammoth proportions. In this context, we must understand one more aspect very clearly.

It is not the unresolved differences of opinion or problems that give grief. It is only the perspective with which we view them that creates trouble. For example, one may enjoy the thrill of riding on a roller coaster, but the other may be filled with a mortal fear at the very thought of a giant wheel!

Can we say that it is okay to have differences rather than it is not okay to have differences? If couples can respect differences, many quarrels would disappear.

How to create an excellent marital relationship?

First and foremost, whenever a problem arises, do not shift the blame onto the spouse. On the other hand, own the responsibility. When you try to solve a problem with this frame of mind, the doors of solution open. The very attitude creates a recipe for success.

Another reason for strained relationships between couples is argument. In order to eliminate argument in a relationship, the couple should encourage discussions. Discussions are healthier than arguments.

But the basis for the relationship between husband and wife is love. Bringing logic in place of love breeds incompatibility. Think for a while. What happens when there is an argument between a husband and wife? The husband tries to prove logically how the wife is wrong. She on the other hand, tries to prove the husband wrong by using her logic. Here logic prevails over love. If one wishes to argue on the basis of knowledge and logical thinking, one can speak in any way, either for or against. But as far as family life is concerned, one cannot hope to solve a problem by logic or by arguing back and forth. This act will only worsen the problem instead of resolving it.

My advice to couples is - when there is a problem in the family, own responsibility for it by saying, ‘I am the cause,’ and try to resolve it. This is the best way to face and resolve a problem.

My suggestion to men is don’t get lost in trying to understand a woman. You will get more confused. Instead love her unconditionally. On the contrary, a woman, more than loving a man, should try to understand him in the space of love. See the magic happening in both of you.

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