CHENNAI: Who said women were permitted only one act in a lifetime? Do 20 extra kilos, scars of an invasive surgery, dental implants and some somnolent muscles mean you are done with life? Will it be fair to say that you are now past your peak and prime time, having discharged your primary obligations of parenting? Could there be more to look forward in addition to being a grandparent and paying back your dues to the generation before?
As a woman, you have paid heed to what the world outside told you for the better part of your life, so much so that you tuned out all the voices that ever clamoured inside you. They would have receded, becoming a whisper before fading out completely.
However, they are coming back at you with a vengeance, telling you that you owed yourself the same validation that you have been preaching to your mother and your daughters.
There is no mention of these voices in the four vedic ashramas of life but I hear them too. And they are telling me surprising things. They discount that this is the time to take it easy, relax and enjoy the well-earned lull. They claim my best years lie ahead of me. They assure me it is not too late to get myself into shape. Playing roles is all okay but where is your definition of the real you? They ask. It would be harakiri to draw my sense of self from those I love, they would have me believe. This is your second act and you are deemed lucky to be getting to do one. I admit my first act was shaky. There were milestones to meet. I had people depending on me. I was not friends enough with myself. There were worries, fears and concerns. I was taking the risk, motivating others. Self-nurturing was the last thing on my list, the priority being to secure a safe nest and get the young into a flight mode. Was it a sacrifice? Did it leave me fatigued or bitter? Certainly not, for it was self-validation at a different level, an evolution of a fundamental nature. It is that experience in fact, of having been responsible for other lives that eventually empowered me with a sense of calm certainty. It puts me in a space made for constructive closure. I have never felt better. When I step out on the streets, I am at home in my skin. I earn enough to fund my personal whimsies. I have experienced enough hurt to understand that we are all similar in our needs. I have at last begun to understand that I cannot pin the blame for my lows on others. I am glimpsing more and more the range of possibilities that begin and end with me.
I have decided to pull my projects off the back-burner. It is never too late to learn golf. If you always dreamt of playing a piano, walk into a school right now. Do not listen to anyone who says your bones may not be able to take the zumba. It is great to want your life to matter and be of some relevance.
Will I ace the second act? I do not know and I do not care. What resonates in my ears are words such as life is given to us in trust, it is for living. We owe it to ourselves to challenge the self constantly and thereby letting oneself grow. The day is about venturing beyond the walls of security. The more you reach out, the more you reach in. And what else is life about if not reaching and touching.
— Neerja Singh The author is an educator and blogs at http://confessionsofanambitiousmother. blogspot.in/