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Jagged Little Pill And The Placenta Panacea

Kim Kardashian recently wrote on her blog that she’s having her placenta freeze-dried and made into a pill

Published: 23rd December 2015 04:01 AM  |   Last Updated: 23rd December 2015 04:01 AM   |  A+A-

I really wanted to do a top 10 parenting moments of the year column this week. No, not my own personal top 10 (though at No 6: Explaining what sperm is to my 7-year-old after a TED Ed talk on ant colonies)  but more of a global parenting countdown. I couldn’t decide what to go with: top 10 parenting books, top 10 parenting columns (mine, mine and mine), 10 toys your kids should have for developing spatial awareness, top celebrity cats that would make great moms, top 10 celebrity kittens with great style.

But then I came across this one parenting moment that encompassed celebrity, news, mother’s health and down right god damn weirdness. And I decided, screw your kid’s spatial awareness, let’s talk about Kim Kardashian. Mother of North and Saint, beloved wife of Kanye. Future FLOTUS.

Jagge.jpgShe eats (perhaps even as you’re reading this column) her...er...you know...ummm...THAT STUFF after birth. Huh? What? Her placenta after birth. That’s right! The High Priestess of reality television took to her blog recently to write about her post pregnancy health regime and shared this news. And I quote:  “… when I say ‘eat my placenta,’ I mean that I’m having it freeze-dried and made into a pill form—not actually fry it like a steak and eat it (which some people do, BTW).”

Gives Surf and Turf a whole new meaning doesn’t it? I have to admit, then when I read the news I had to Google what a placenta was to remind myself. My own memories of my after birth are rather sketchy. High on gas and air after my first delivery, I realised that my gynaecologist still had her hands inside me. “Is there another one inside doctor?”“No, no I’m just pulling out the placenta.” “Ah, carry on!” And that was it really. I never thought I should ask to have it preserved and frozen for my own future well being.

While doctors and midwives haven’t come out publicly praising a placenta panacea (sorry, I couldn’t resist that one), many mothers have championed them. And by other mothers I mean January Jones, Kourtney Kardashian and former Playboy Mansion Mate Holly Madison. Celebrities swear that their placenta gives them more energy and staves off post partum depression. If so, more power to them. I didn’t even know I had the baby blues until my son was two. I assumed every one around me was even more insufferable than usual and that all my witty repartees had been replaced by grunts of annoyance. I mean this really makes our traditional post pregnancy diets seem so… boring. Til ke laddu, garlic-milk-ghee concoctions that increase breast milk production and make you fart like you’re going to be propelled in to outer space… placenta is so much cooler.

Especially if they’re in a pretty mason jar with a Pinterest worthy label that said “Kim, your Amazing placenta”. If steaks and pills aren’t your thing, how about a placenta smoothie? Guava juice, strawberries, banana and acai berries. And raw placenta. Whizz them in a blender and drink it up. Makes that kale and bottle gourd smoothie super appealing now doesn’t it?

(The writer is a former copywriter whose parenting philosophy is: if there’s no blood, don’t call me)

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