CHENNAI: My daughter Sai Vaishnavi was seven years old when my wife passed away in 2013. I left her in the care of her maternal grandparents for about 10 months but to my horror, they refused to take care of her...in fact, they took away all her jewels, including the small golden ear studs she wore. I had to immediately bring her back. I was in New Delhi at that time working with the Central government.
But raising her as a single parent wasn’t challenging. She had accepted the reality — that I was her mother and father. I remember, when my wife died, Vaishnavi sat beside me and sang Tum hi ho mata, pita tum hi ho. I don’t know what prompted her to sing that song that too at such a juncture. I am sure she misses her mother, but she has never felt that I am not living up to her expectations.
My typical day included preparing breakfast and lunch for her and packing her bag to school, going to work and coming back in time to prepare rajma, her favourite after-school meal. I also ensured that we went on vacations. But as days went by, I felt it was not safe for my daughter to be in Delhi. She used to be alone at home while I was at work. That is why I took voluntary retirement from service and moved to Tiruchy this year. My parents are here. They are a support system for us.
A few years back my father wanted me to re-marry. I posted my profile on matrimonial sites, reluctantly. Ammu, that’s what I call Vaishnavi at home, understood my mind. She would look at profiles and then reject them. She knows that my priority will always be her. We are quite close and discuss her future, her career and the available opportunities. There are several issues that mothers have a way of teaching their daughters. I am a Science student.
So, I know how to approach those subjects — be it puberty, telling her the difference between good touch and bad touch. When she reached puberty, she was already aware of menstruation cycles and how to use sanitary napkins. She assured that her school teachers helped her understand everything.
My daughter goes to dance and music classes. I am always there for her performances, helping her get ready. More than a conventional father-daughter relationship, we share a very friendly equation. Ammu did her arangetram recently and wants to continue singing and dancing. She aims to become a journalist.
As told to Veena Mani