CHENNAI: They say that if you find a Laughing Buddha, you must rub his tummy. Apparently, all your wishes will be granted and you might find yourself laughing, too. But what if your inner Laughing Buddha is raging because that maami cannot stop asking you about your marriage plans, or that maama insists that you must lose weight. We believe that world peace begins with our inner peace. And if that part of you feels tormented, fret not. On World Peace Day, Rochana Mohan turns peace ambassador. Just keep calm and follow her tenets.
Keep the weight off your shoulders
When some uncle decides that loudly commenting on your weight is appropriate, telling him that you were inspired by his post-lunch belly won’t lighten the mood. After all, it’s a peace of cake or a piece of your mind.
Vow to stay calm
Make sure you swallow the piping-hot rage that fills your bones when Lalithaa paati comes up to you at one of your family marriage ceremonies and coos, “You’re next!” Remember that approaching her during a funeral and cooing the same is not the solution, no matter how satisfying it feels.
Loud reminders
An evening ride through the cool air can be very relaxing until your skeleton jumps out of your body at the sound of some truck honking behind you. Crush the urge to scream at them because the alternative is to get crushed — too soon?
Think of the children
Being trapped in a train with a bunch of nosy travellers is surpassed by only one thing — being trapped in a train with a howling baby. When that happens, just think of the poor mother — she literally broke her cervix having them, so take a pregnant pause to catch your breath.
Just switch off
What to do when your new iPhone suddenly switches off? First, you curse Apple for slowing down their software every time they launch a new phone, but second, you resist the urge to fling the device at the nearest wall and instead just turn it off and breathe in the lovely offline air.
You ‘can’cel keep calm
All you want to do is go home, but the volley of questions — “Cash-ah, card-ah?” “Please cancel the cab, I cannot come.” “Cross the road, walk to the signal. I’ll pick you up from there.” “So, where do you work? Are you married? How many in your family?” — prevent you from doing so. Just ride through the emotions, and remember that Cancel Culture is dead, so don’t revoke that cab.
Work through it
Every office has that one co-worker — you know the one. He won’t stop talking, he thinks his jokes are hilarious, and he kisses up to the boss so much you’re shocked that he doesn’t have an eternal duckface. While sitting next to them is neigh unbearable, just plot the ways you can murder them in your head instead of voicing it out loud.
Keep yourself in line
Nothing is more irritating than being cut off in a queue by some sweaty old man, huffing and puffing and thrusting the wares at the cashier. But although tripping him up and breaking his nose can be a viable option, Gandhi preached non-violence, so just violently glare at him.
Mind your business language
When Sreelekha aunty from 3B asks you why you came back home yesterday at 2 am, don’t respond by asking her if she was waiting for a night-time lover — perhaps she’s just fascinated with astronomy and not your personal life.
Take your time
We all have that one friend who ends up three hours late for everything. Rather than getting mad at them, take a second and present them with watches and alarm clocks every birthday.