CHENNAI: It takes a long time to grow an old friend,” said John Leonard, an American roboticist. He was probably penning it for the fortunate few who’ve been blessed to find that one-of-a-kind connection with their buddies; a bond that has only gotten stronger with decades of nurturance, trust, care, and compromise.
With changing times, priorities and perception of friendship, all we need is a dollop of inspiration from real-life examples on what it takes to maintain a relationship for years together. On International Friendship Day, here are four tales of longstanding friendships that have stood the test of time, to give you that hope and reassurance.
SOULMATES FOR LIFE
It was friendship at first sight for M Thanga Vani and D Susila Devi. The two young, ambitious girls were full of dreams when they joined Sri Meenakshi Government Arts College for Women, Madurai, in 1976. “I joined BSc Physics, but didn’t find it to be interesting. I opted for BSc Zoology and that’s when I met Susi. Something sparked instantly and she asked me to share the bench with her. Nothing has changed in 45 years,” recounts Vani. Susila’s father was an engineer with the Southern Railways. She had to move from Madurai to Tiruchy when her father got transferred.
It was a bitter farewell. But, the duo frequently wrote to each other. After a few years, co-incidentally, both Susila and Vani had given their Railway Recruitment Board exams and both of them cleared it. They both joined the duty in 1984 just a month apart. “We were posted in Tiruchy. It was our training period and we were just starting to enjoy the taste of financial independence. We stayed in a hostel that had an occupancy of four per room. Fortunately, there was only one with an occupancy for two and we managed to get that. We worked together in the same department, dressed in similar ways, and most importantly, we knew each other’s likes and dislikes. Both our families stayed in Madurai.
We visited our hometown during the weekends,” says Vani. Within some time, Susila got married and moved back to Madurai. A year later, Vani got transferred too. “My husband’s name is Annadurai and Vani’s is Karunanidhi. My mother’s name is Parvathy and hers is Saraswathi. Note the coincidence? We cherish these small sentiments and feel that we are blessed because both our families accepted us as part of their families too,” says Susila. Marriage, motherhood, career...the bond only has grown stronger with time. It takes only a phone call for the duo to clear their air in case of misunderstanding. “Even two-minute, impromptu conversations can be relieving.
We’ve had our share of personal problems, health ailments, and what not...just knowing that you have someone to rely on is important. Vani is a good listener. She treats me like a baby,” says Susila. They admire each other for their patience, helping tendency, and boldness. “We are glad to have not been a part of the Internet generation. Phone calls and letters were enough for us to maintain this bond. Some of our most beautiful memories are recorded in our hearts. It doesn’t take much to retain a friendship honestly. I often wonder what is it that’s special when people say they are envious of our relationship. If you truly value a person then you’d look for all possible ways to keep them in your life. We think that our friendship is made in heaven,” says Susila. The two retired railway officers are settled with their families. Vani lives in Madurai and Susila is in Nagercoil. In their hierarchy of relationships , friendship seems to be as good as family.
FRIENDS WHO STAY
Kabilan credits his job, because of which he had to move to Porur (from Perambur), for finding his circle of friends. It was a distant cousin closer to his age who introduced him to a big band of local men. “It was Kumar who introduced me to everyone. There was this shop one of the guys owned called Cassette Corner; that’s where we used to meet after work every day. From there, we used to go to the tea shop, or for a movie, or to a restaurant,” he recalls.
Devarajan’s introduction to Kabilan and others was also similar. He had to move to Chennai from Bengaluru and with that came a whole host of perks. For him too, Kumar had been the point of introduction. “When I was getting married, we used to go shopping almost every day – for shoes on one day, then again for socks, and belt another day. Everyone came along. Just a week before the wedding, my brother- in-law passed away. These friends were there for it too. They took part in all the good and bad,” narrates Kabilan. From showing up for each other’s weddings, this group of friends (22 strong, if you count everyone who eventually joined in) have moved to shared gyms, road trips, annual tours and much more. “Then, not everyone had a two-wheeler; slowly, we accomplished that milestone. Soon, everyone — one after another — got a car.
When corona happened, a bunch of us (not me though) got bicycles,” says Kabilan. Friendship among this many men was not without its fair share of trouble it seems. But they found ways to navigate through it, says Devarajan. “Even if there were differences, there were people like Kabilan to balance things out (that he continues to be their designated driver on drinking nights says plenty). But these were the people who showed up for whatever trouble that may arise. We knew where to let go and where to hold them in place,” he explains. While phones and access to WhatsApp has certainly made life easier, Devarajan isn’t all for it. “We didn’t use the landline much for communication. We gathered at Cassette Corner at 6 pm every day. It was there that we would decide the next day’s plan.
Then, we transitioned to the pager; communication got a little better. Now, with WhatsApp, there’s a lot more room for communication but it’s devoid of the personal touch. Earlier, when I had something to tell Kabilan, I would just drop by at his house. Now, I call him instead,” he says. Devarajan says that Wednesdays and Saturdays are always set aside for meetings. This seems to have worked for a good two decades. What’s to say it wouldn’t last for two more.
50 YEARS AND NOTHING HAS CHANGED!
For T Rajagopal’s gang of six, friendship had been incidental. But sustaining it for over five decades was a matter of choice – one that they continue to make year after year. Not giving in to the clichés of age, they make sure to meet as often as they can. No occasion or celebration is complete without each other’s presence. Welcoming the New Year in the company of this band of friends has been made mandatory, he narrates. Card play and annual vacations now find place in their life; but their beginnings were much simpler, it seems.
“We have been friends for more than 50 years. I met one friend in school, got to know a few more through cricket (he used to play for the Railways) and two others when I joined work with the Railways in 1973. In those days, we used to gather at one location after work. There was a scooter mechanic to whom we all went to. We used to meet at his shop every evening, have some snacks and then go home. It was a ritual,” he recounts. While mobile phones and the Internet have come a long way in helping them stay in touch, it wasn’t as easy in the early days, he says. “Landline phones were used only for a specific purpose – when there was something serious,” he points out. Over half a century of friendship, but not much has changed among the men, it seems.
Now, as was then, they are as fun-loving and adventurous as ever. Among the six of them, there’s plenty in life that they have shared – in one case, honeymoon destination too! Their weddings too almost happened on the same day, till one of them decided to fix the schedule. “I had two dates available for me – December 3 and 6; but for Shashi, only December 3 was available. Then, we decided that he’ll get married first and I’ll take the second date. Just so we will be able to make it to each other’s wedding. Then, we went on our honeymoon to Nepal together. That we (he and his wife) had company was quite good,” he narrates.
Over the years, the men’s partners have also become good friends. Taking it to the next generation, their children too happen to be of the same age group and get along well, says Rajagopal. The comfort they share has extended to all their families. Despite the number of years in between, their friendship has helped them hold on to the child in them, he says. “We are the same as we were 30 years ago. Even today, we talk as if we’re just out of college or just joined the Railways. The same jokes, the same stories keep coming up,” he shares. Far from continued opportunities of fun, they have remained a great source of support and comfort for each other.
“We are one of the most enviable groups. My son, who stays in the US, says that I have a very strong support system in my friends, which he lacks there. Anything that happens today – good, bad or ugly – they will all be there for me. And the celebration is equally good. Just meeting becomes a celebration. Our relationship is beyond just friendship,” he says. What more can you ask for.
FRIENDS LIKE FAMILY
This is the story of two strangers who met for the first time at their friends’ secret marriage as witnesses to the wedding. Meet TK Balakrishnan and Vijayalakshmi Vasudevan — friends for more than 40 years now. The wedding happened at Thiruporur Murugan Temple on Old Mahabalipuram Road in 1980. “The groom was my classmate from school and the bride was her ex-colleague.
They married against their parents’ wishes. We were there to support them. After the reception, Vijaya and I went out with a bunch of friends. Then began our journey,” reminisces Balakrishnan, a former executive vice president with American President Lines (APL). Balakrishnan worked with the APL and Vijaya was a senior air hostess with Indian Airlines. The duo often bumped into each other while travelling on the flight. “I had 50-60 air hostesses working under me. Ruby (Balakrishnan’s nickname) and I would make it a point to visit tourist locations in the city we flew to. He’d take my colleagues and me for extravagant lunch and dinners.
The most memorable one is a food-hopping experience on Ajmal Khan Road in New Delhi. Both of us were bingeing on street food. There’s not a five-star hotel that we haven’t gone to, in India. Food is the binding agent to our friendship,” says Vijaya, retired Air India deputy manager. While Balakrishnan got married, Vijaya chose to remain single. The dynamics of their friendship never changed. “All my friends (who are girls) were known and introduced to my wife Usha. In fact, she’s closer to Vijaya than me now. We go for temple trips together. Both of us admire Vijaya for her independence, adaptability, boldness, and outspoken nature,”says Balakrishnan.
The duo has their fair share of disagreements but they ensure there’s no bad blood. “Having a debate is not dissent. We involve each other in all our happiness and sadness. Before the lockdown, I would often park myself at Ruby’s house for days together. The husband and wife would make me feel at home. There’s no domination or exploitation in our friendship. We respect each other’s space. Ruby is a thorough gentleman and it reflects in the number of female friends he has to date,” shares Vijaya. Friendship for the two has been all about building relationships and emotionally investing in each other’s lives.
“One call and I know she would be there for me. It’s not like we catch up every day. Vijaya can take a conversation forward from where we left off. When kids of this generation look at us with awe, we say, there’s more to life than chasing money. Shed your ego and look beyond. A friendship survives only when there is commitment and dedication. A life without friendship is no life at all,” sums up Balakrishnan.