CHENNAI: My life until now has been fastpaced. I run a recruitment firm with multiple branches. I used to fly between cities and to Dubai (where I have a branch too) regularly. Life was always packed, my phone constantly ringing. I would work long hours, and take late night flights to make the most of the time available. I would revel in power dressing and staying at business hotels and the fact that I was a business woman in what largely is a man’s world. And when I get home weary, brain dead, I would feel good that I had pulled another productive day. It was a treadmill life and I was running to stay in the same place. All this high voltage action came to a crashing halt. Blindsided (or delusional?) by COVID-19, the first few days when a lockdown seemed imminent was frantic- organising laptops, dongles, setting accountability, templates for productivity report and then everything went into a slow tailspin.
I sat at home waiting for calls that were slowly reducing, and took stock of a bleak situation. Business was dwindling. The company I had built with all its branches seemed now like a sand castle. I watched it all dissipating before me. The first couple of weeks were the worst. Everything seemed dismal — the harsh DJ inside my head taunting me that this will not end even if the lockdown is lifted. Conducting townhalls through Zoom trying to keep the morale up seemed like a futile exercise. I would sit around, quiet, spend the whole day in my nightwear, hair lanky and skin flaky-looking frankly beaten and blue. Until one day I got onto Reddit and started reading up on meditation. I slowly started reading The Mind Illuminated. My journey began and I surprised myself with my discipline.
I would sit cross-legged, and it would be tedious, mind-numbingly boring to just focus on my breath, to ignore with resolve the insidious thoughts that would beckon, inviting me to go on an addictive joyride. But resolved I was and laboured at it. I slowly but surely saw subtle changes in me. I was more cheerful, more positive. Ten minutes of meditation increased to 20 then 30 and now I can meditate for 40 minutes. I resolved to make my time more productive. I signed up for learning a new language, listened to great podcasts, took up yoga, signed up for a few online courses, enjoyed serials I never had time for — and soon enough, time speeded up once more.
There just was not enough time to do the things I signed up for — life is now delightfully busy and packed once more. Only this time, I am doing multiple things, things that I enjoy, I am upskilling myself on subjects I like, enjoying the variety I now have in my life and the nasty DJ in my head is getting slowly but surely quelled. I believe now that we own the choice on how we react to an ugly situation. We can self- destruct or self-improve. I urge everyone to use this forced holiday to focus on themselves, upskill if possible, accept the situation for what it is and in doing so, heal.
Hema Subramaniam, founder and CEO, Live Connections (Write to cityexpresschn@gmail. com and share how you are spending your quarantine period.)