CHENNAI: Beyond the Blue by Gopika Kapoor is a wonderful expression of the challenges faced by a parent of a child with autism, coupled with insights on how to overcome these challenges. Being a parent of a child with autism, I can relate to a lot of her experiences and many of these are very similar to the ones I faced in my own journey of special needs. You start seeing the world through Vir’s eyes in this book, the narration is simple yet powerful.
Gopika covers everything right from the initial diagnosis, the fears a parent faces in the initial journey, the slow acceptance of reality to the enjoyment and relish of this journey with her son. While she details her inspiring journey, she shares strategies at every point to help the readers (parents of neuro-diverse kids). These represent her experiences as a mum and as a therapist. She starts this journey by talking about the five stages of grief that every parent goes through from the initial denial of autism till the acceptance of the condition. What is unique here, is how she explains that acceptance comes in the form of openly talking about the condition to others!
In these chapters, she brings out strong messages on the importance of self-care for the parent and conveys the importance of creating a support circle which includes other parents in the similar journey. She then describes the “school journey” with Vir, where she talks about her anxieties as a parent from the beginning of the journey, her conflicts on the decision to home school, to her relief of Vir’s acceptance in a local school for the right to education for him. She simultaneously offers some great strategies for parents to be able to work harmoniously with school; this is important as the school journey is one of the most painful and tough journeys for every parent and equally for the neuro diverse child. She explains the various issues Vir faced too in this incredibly hard journey and how those slowly resolved to bring out a thriving- and cognitively- growing Vir.
There are other powerful insights into the world of Vir, coupled with strong messages. She explains how important it is for a parent to understand the child and the reason why the child behaves differently or has a meltdown. She then brings out different coping mechanisms she used for Vir to help him deal with the situation. She offers strategies on selfregulation. As all of these are highlighted with personal experiences, it makes it more reassuring and will help any parent (of neuro-typical or neuro-diverse kids) to appreciate and understand when they come across personal situations or see such behaviours of kids in society. Her insights into the sibling relationship between Vir and Gayatri are an emotional read. Her conversation with Gayatri to help her take on the role of the elder sister (although she was the younger one) was interesting to read and it is wonderful to see how the bond between both grew stronger as they grew older.
She continues describing various phases in Vir’s life from a child to a teenager and ends the book with a brief note on future and financial planning which is very crucial for parents with neuro-diverse kids to think about and plan as early as possible. Overall, Beyond the Blue is a brilliant book and a must-read for every parent — especially those who are starting out their special needs journey. It is equally a great book for developing awareness for everyone to understand the struggles faced by the parents and most importantly the neuro-diverse child and to help include both in this society.
Suja Shyamsundar is a member of Special Child Assistance Network (SCAN). A parent of a child with autism living in Chennai, she runs SCAN conversations, an online initiative with parents and professionals which helps spread awareness of various conditions in the autism spectrum. The initiative also helps parents understand and cope with the various challenges they need to face in the neurodiverse world. Beyond the Blue is priced at Rs 499 (paperback) and Rs 175 (Kindle version). The book is available at Amazon.in and notionpress.com.
Add Gopika Kapoor’s Beyond the Blue to your reading list this Autism Awareness Day (April 2), to get helpful insights on the range of emotions and challenging situations a parent of a child with autism experiences