I was exposed to queerphobia at quite a young age. That is why coming out to my family as a then-bisexual was a privilege I did not have; particularly having witnessed their negative perception of my cousin’s homosexuality.
The secret of being attracted to women stayed buried within me, a hidden identity, till recently when I poured out my thoughts through a text to my sister in 2019. However, it was at my job as a bartender in Bengaluru where I realised that I had the ability to bring forth change around me.
A gay colleague of mine was always on the receiving end of hurtful behaviour from the rest of the staff people would avoid him and refuse to change in front of him because they thought he would be “turned on”.
His mental health took a hit. When he reached out to me, I started taking awareness seminars at work. People in the community have to fight on a daily basis with themselves and with those who are close to them; the last thing they need is to come to work and fight there too.
When I saw that my seminars brought in a change in attitude among the staff, I set out on an uphill battle to create something different.
The start of something new
Upon returning to Hyderabad, my female friend and I assessed the inclusivity at cafes through a social experiment. Posing as a couple just holding hands would get us kicked out of establishments because it made the other customers uncomfortable.
We would gauge these reactions and take notes on everything. This was in 2019. What does it say about our society if this is how unwilling people were to be accepting and open-minded merely two years ago?
These reactions and discriminations sowed the seed for a plan. After much research on LGBTQIA+-friendly cafes and spending a month among the transgender community, I created a unique concept with my business partner People’s Choice Cafe in Sainikpuri, Hyderabad.
It was established as a place where the LGBTQIA+ could escape the discrimination they face daily, and openly be themselves. It was not just LGBTQIA+ friendly, but a place specifically for them.
My cafe was the culmination of my younger self’s unheard desires, back when I sought someone who could talk me through what I was experiencing. The thing I never had, I wanted to give others.
To cater to the financial status of the community (especially transgenders in poor income jobs), I implemented a special menu system where people can eat what they want and pay what they can. I have four themes — queer, bakery, retro and neon.
The queer-themed room is awash with colour and even has a wall dedicated to information about the LGBTQIA+. I have people from the community, straight people, families with queer children who come and educate themselves. A safe space, irrespective of gender or sexuality.
I also conduct some counselling sessions, mostly for parents to understand their queer children’s needs. As someone who is still attempting to educate her parents about the community, I realised that several parents need a guiding hand to understand the fragility of exploring one’s identity.
As an establishment of this nature, we have got some complaints from neighbours who were against the presence of trans people and didn’t wish their children to be “exposed to this”. However, the owner (of the cafe space) was kind and understanding. Even business circles applauded the place.
The rainbow-washing trend
Between the support from business owners and instant attention from newspaper features, the cafe was also met with brutal disdain from some queer people. Many thought that I was capitalising on my identity and the community. The comments were hurtful and I was often in a corner, crying.
Though it was never about the money for us, their rejection stemmed from what they commonly saw in commercial spaces. Businesses often use pride month as a marketing strategy, brandishing the LGBTQIA+ flags for profit.
Establishments will turn a blind eye to the issues of the community for 11 months and then plaster everything in rainbow colours in June. If you are trying to support the community, it has to be a year-long commitment.
There are queer-friendly cafes and parties that I have seen charge exorbitant amounts as entry fees. One, in particular, would have a charge only on Saturdays when they hosted LGBTQIA+ parties. These prices are unaffordable to many in the queer community, especially transgender people.
What is the point of this charade if you are essentially excluding the people you celebrate? Unfortunately, several members of the queer community give into it when they see the opportunity and space where they can reveal their identities and be themselves in public. It is their one chance to have that liberty that is unavailable elsewhere.
Companies fail to recognise that the community does not seek rainbows and pride flags. We need safe spaces where we aren’t discriminated against. Establishments need to take a stand when other customers are intolerant towards queer people.
They don’t realise that by catering to those customers, they are missing out on our business as well. They only seem to address the issue when their reputation is on the line.
Furthermore, recruitment of queer people at workplaces also sees a spike in pride month. But companies need to hire people for their skills, not identity. The latter keeps the queer people differentiated from other employees.
Education and awareness are paramount in such situations. Once, I visited an LGBTQIA+ party held at a joint and witnessed the bouncers stopping a group of trans people from entering. Upon confrontation, they mentioned that they couldn’t let them in because the party wasn’t for them and that they “dressed inappropriately”.
That’s when I realised that they were unaware of what the T in LGBTQIA+ even stood for.
But I see change coming. It’s a fine line between celebrating the community and turning it into a marketing ploy sometimes it’s a nice gesture, sometimes it’s confusing. However, with growing awareness, businesses are learning and adapting.
(As told to Sahana Iyer)