It’s Saturday evening, and you have two invites. Option one: your cousin’s engagement, where your mother has already picked out a silk sari and issued a warning — “You better not leave before the family picture.” Option two: a girls’ night out, where your friends have promised espresso martinis.
Here’s the dilemma: Pick the engagement, and you’re the good girl — the one who values family, traditions, and probably has a private Instagram account. Pick the night out, and suddenly, you’re that girl — the one your grandmother will dramatically pray for, the one distant uncles whisper about as they sip filter coffee, and, the one certain Chennai boys will never consider ‘wife material’.
Welcome to the great Chennai divide: ‘Scene Girls’ vs. ‘Family Girls.’ Where if you ask any Chennai girl, she’ll tell you — it’s never that black and white. Most of us are somewhere in between. One day, we’re in a silk sari at a family function, perfecting our namaskaram pose for pictures. The next, we’re at a bar, screaming the lyrics to Why This Kolaveri Di. We can wake up for temple visits and stay out for the last call. We can drink filter coffee at home and overpriced frappuccinos at a café. So why is it that women are always put into categories, while men get to be…just men?
Where did these labels even come from?
Like most unnecessary binaries (blondes vs. brunettes, Serena vs. Blair, filter coffee vs. Starbucks), this one, too, seems to be shaped by society — mostly men who believe women come in only two categories.
“Growing up, we always heard things like nalla nadantha ponnu (a well-behaved girl) versus ooru suthara ponnu (a girl who roams around),” says Ishani Venkat, a marketing executive. “It’s ingrained in our heads that a girl who is ‘always outside’ is somehow less than a girl who is home by 9 .”
Guys, of course, deny that they think this way. “No, no, we don’t actually say ‘family girl’ or ‘scene girl,’” claims Sunny K who, funnily enough, has an entire Instagram highlight called ‘Boys Night’ dedicated to his wild party antics. “It’s just… some girls have more values, and others…” (he pauses) “know more bartenders.”
His best friend Anjali rolls her eyes. “Right. And let me guess — these ‘value’ girls are the ones you want to marry, and the ‘bartender’ girls are the ones you want to date in secret? Convenient.”
Do these labels matter?
Chennai boys might say they don’t believe in these categories, but their dating preferences often tell another story.
“My boyfriend always said he wanted a ‘simple, family-oriented girl,’” says Abhila Rajkumar, an architect. “But every girl he’s had a crush on? Cocktail dress, front row at Sunburn, and at least three solo trips to Bali…Make it make sense.”
On the flip side, Samridhi S, says being labelled a family girl hasn’t always worked in her favour. “My friends call me the Tamil ponnu because I post only wedding pictures. The guys who like me assume I’ll be some timid, traditional wife who will never touch a Long Island Iced Tea. Joke’s on them.”
Meanwhile, Chennai’s own — the girls who appear like perfect daughters but lead a double life — know how to play the game. “I don’t post my clubbing pictures,” says Kriiti Johri, a lawyer. “My Instagram is full of temple visits and Navaratri golu pictures. But on weekends? I am the scene.”
Can you switch sides?
Yes, but with consequences.
“I was a full-on ‘scene girl’,” says Shruti*, a brand strategist. “Then I got engaged, and overnight, people started treating me differently. Suddenly, I was getting Instagram DMs saying ‘Wow, you’ve changed so much!’ Just because I started wearing more kurtas and posting about my ponnu paakal (bride-seeing) experience.”
It works the other way too. “I used to be the perfect ‘family girl’ — always home before dark, never touched alcohol,” says Kashvi M, a media student. “Then I started going out, and people acted like I had lost my morals. My relatives called my mom when they saw a story of me in Goa. Now I just hide them from my story or block them.”
The real kicker? Boys don’t seem to face this dilemma at all. “Nobody’s out here debating whether a guy is a ‘scene boy’ or a ‘family boy.’ My guy friends can be out till 3 am, and nobody cares,” says Sanyukta Elapadi, an engineer. “Meanwhile, I come home at 10.30 pm, and my mom starts calling my chithi in the US to discuss my behaviour.”
According to sociologist Deepa*, these stereotypes come from an outdated need to control women’s choices. “It’s the classic Madonna-whore complex — society wants to put women in neat little boxes: the perfect daughter or the wild party girl. But the truth is, women can be both — or neither.”
Honestly, most girls are tired of it. “Why should I have to pick?” asks Tanvi Pillai, a content creator. “One day I want to be in a silk sari at a family function, smiling for pictures. The next day, I want to be at a techno rave, living my best life. Why can’t I be both?”
Shaming and policing
Beyond just being labeled, there’s the deeper issue of judgment. The idea that one kind is somehow less respectable than the other is where things turn toxic. And for many women, this judgment escalates into full-blown slut-shaming.
“People assume that if you go out a lot, you must be ‘easy’,” says Aakanksha Sen. “I once had a guy tell me, ‘You don’t seem like a serious relationship girl’ — just because I post stories from clubs.”
Slut-shaming isn’t just about nightlife, either. “Even something as simple as wearing a short dress to a family event gets people talking,” says Sivathmika I. “Once, a relative told my mom she should be careful about how I dress, as if my outfit somehow defined my entire character.” It’s always about controlling how women behave, where they go, and what they wear.
The worst part? The scrutiny often comes from other women too. “I had an aunt once tell me, ‘Dress properly, or no good guy will marry you’,” laughs Malaika P. “Meanwhile, my cousin shows up to family functions half-drunk, or smoked up and it’s all ‘Boys will be boys.’”
Of course, not all guys think this way — at least, not openly.
“I genuinely don’t care,” says Prathyum K, an aspiring dance choreographer. “As long as she’s fun to be around and we vibe, what does it matter?”
But others admit the labels still linger in their heads. “Look, I won’t lie,” confesses Abinav N. “If a girl is always out partying, I do wonder if she’s ‘serious’ about life. But at the same time, I don’t want to date someone who never wants to go out. It’s a balance, I guess.”
Rehaan sums it up best: “If guys can have their Saturday-night beer and the occasional Sunday-morning temple visit, why can’t girls do both?”
So the next time someone asks whether you’re a ‘scene girl’ or a ‘family girl,’ just tell them this: I’m a Chennai girl and I can do both.
*Names changed