A recent summit organised by the People Against Patriarchy (PAP) tried to find answers to modern-day problems that both genders have to deal with. It had six sessions covering multiple themes such as non-inclusive workplaces, marital rapes, sexual harassment, and the enforcement of patriarchy through popular cultural mediums like television serials and Bollywood movies. And through those sessions, the summit shed light on, among other things, the problems men face every day, thanks to patriarchal norms and traditions—especially, in the light of two recent cases of suicide by men.
The summit highlighted the ill-effects of masculinity that patriarchy encourages, and what it does to men who refuse to become ‘manly’. The stage was shared by men's rights activists (MRAs), who discussed the problems men encounter while growing up and in daily life.
Men in danger?
The recent cases of Atul Subhash and Manav Sharma, who committed suicides, blaming their wives, have urged a debate on the ‘men’s question’. What problems do men face, and how do they react? In a candid conversation, Anil Murty, a men’s rights activist, and founder, Save Indian Family Foundation, says: “Men’s world is full of misandry. They are not generally empathetic to each other. Today, if a man shares his sexual inability, or any inability as such, in his close circles, he will be bullied. So, if you do not have a comfort zone to share your crises, how will you be able to solve your problems? There is a traditional notion of men: they are strong, they sacrifice themselves for the needs of family and others. If a man refuses to fit in, he will be laughed at,” Murty notes.
Murty, however, says patriarchy is a term loosely constructed by feminists. Leher Sethi, the founder of PAP, looks at the problem through a different lens—it is the patriarchal structure that makes men vulnerable. “Out of the total suicides committed in the world, 70% are men. Why is this happening? The answer lies in their upbringing. The same patriarchal conditioning that disallows women from taking up aspirational roles, tells men to suppress their emotions to pursue a powerful life. Men are told not to cry, something that needs to be changed. Men need to express their emotions from a very early stage. Suppression of emotions leads to frustrations, and it causes bigger problems.”
She also blames popular culture for shaping men’s identity. Bollywood and daily serials treat men in a particular way. Films like Pushpa, Kabir Singh, and Animal have created a violent image of men, which many misconstrue as images of strength. The image of being a protector, saviour, or being alpha has encouraged men to take a violent path. When someone refuses to be a part of it, “he gets either trolled or bullied”, she says.