Hema Devare and her family were “well settled” in Washington DC when her husband, an Indian Foreign Service (IFS) officer, got orders to relocate — to Sikkim. Back in the 1970s, Sikkim was like “a dot hidden somewhere in the Himalayas”, Devare notes in the book, The Other Side of Diplomacy (Westland Books), edited by Jayshree Tripathi. On reaching Gangtok, Sikkim’s capital city, they settled into their new home, a colonial-style cottage on a hillock, “with a front glass veranda offering a magnificent view of the Kanchenjunga range of the Himalayas”; a life amid the “twinkling glow worms,”; the carnations in their garden – hardly the “godforsaken place” she had expected. Besides they were also witness to the turn of history; the ’70s was the decade when a referendum was held abolishing monarchy in Sikkim.
The Other Side… is a 16-story anthology, including one by Tripathi, that narrates the reflections and viewpoints of diplomatic spouses of former Heads of Missions as they manage their many roles.
In the chapter, ‘Memories of an Accidental Diplomatic Spouse’, Ajay Shankar — an IAS officer and one of the two male spouses Tripathi approached for a piece — writes about the couple juggling travel to spend more time together while posted in different countries; his attempts to speak German in public, only to be mistaken for a poor immigrant; and being the “only father among mothers waiting to meet the teacher or dropping off and picking up children from birthday parties” at a time when his wife, an IFS officer herself, was serving as the Indian ambassador to the US. Shankar had moved to the US after retiring, and he sums up the experience in a humorous tone: "Being the Ambassador’s husband immediately after retiring as a Secretary looking after industry in the Government of India was quite enjoyable. I had all the privileges of being the spouse without any of the burdens, as I was incapable of being the ‘good wife’. "
In remembrance
“I began thinking of writing the book in 2019. I was still mourning the passing of my husband [Sibabrata Tripathi, who served in the Indian Foreign Service from 1979 ] in February 2017, barely two years after he had retired,” Tripathi tells TMS. She then decided she would write about life in the foreign service as a diplomatic spouse, in her husband’s honour.
Tripathi adds that she had long thought about putting together stories from her own time overseas, having already written a short fiction anthology in 1999. In 2022, she finally sat down with her fountain pen and a notebook to “chart this odyssey”. “I reached out to many,” she says, admitting it was a lot to ask: to have contributors “condense 36 years or more in service, choose one overseas posting”, and write several thousands of words.
Across continents, cultures
During the process of gathering, and compiling stories, Tripathi knew what she wanted the book to read like — full of “engaging personal life sketches” and “insightful reflections of lived experiences in a memorable posting”.
“First of all, I noted the regions where I wanted the stories to be based — Latin America, the Middle East, Europe, Africa and South Asia,” Tripathi explains.
She reached out to people she knew, some she had met recently, and senior spouses too. “I also requested five male spouses, bureaucrats in their own right, and two graciously agreed,” she adds. “There were also two foreign service daughters, one a former ambassador and the other a senior reputed journalist.”
The anthology’s ‘Foreword’ is penned by the Indian politician and former diplomat, Dr Shashi Tharoor, who, Tripathi says, had known her husband since their college days at St Stephen’s.
Over time, she adds, the set of challenges faced by diplomatic spouses have evolved. Loneliness still affects many, frequent relocations and being away from family gatherings and festivals in India is difficult for some. Then again, breaks in careers for some.
At the same time, she points out how technology has eased certain burdens. “With WhatsApp and video calls, today’s spouses are certainly fortunate. We used to wait months for family letters to arrive by B Bag [used by the officials' families and friends to send letters to the missions],” she says.
Tripathi is grateful for being part of the service. She notes, “I am humbled by the privilege it has been to be a part of India’s foreign service. And, I earnestly hope that people will choose to remember me for my undivided attention as I listened to their words.”