While eavesdropping on two Hyderabadis at the Numaish, I discovered ki apparently apne numaish mein sab kuch milta, yaaron. Jidhar bhi dekho, there are stalls catering to every human need. Like a coconut breaker. Who’d need a steel coconut breaker? Isn’t the floor good enough to crack open the nut? But then, timepass is the mother-in-law of invention, so the Numaish is a veritable paradise for arcane goods. Here’s a guided tour to the Kya Toh Bhi Hain Yeh stalls at this year’s Numaish.
Magic Mirror Exercise Pen
Alas, when I went, there was no one in this store. It’s basically a very dull-looking store without any flashy banners or lights. It’s a spray pen store with stencils and a magic mirror. Well, aine mein dekh ke sktech banao. The store bhaiya flaunts his skill by placing the magic mirror between a plain sheet and his to-be-drawn sheet. Ho gaya! Idhar dekhke udhar kar deta! Mast hain.
Apna Vegetable Cutter, Miyan!
Goodbye, Telebrands. Goodbye firangs lip-syncing in Malayalam as they demonstrate the wondrous things you can do with kitchen weaponry. Hamara numaish has all of that cool stuff: carrot-grater, onion peeler, veggie carver, potato masher, banana juicer, all in one.and the demonstrators are such virtuoso, that only they can do it. In their hands, the appliance is a force multiplier. Cucumbers diced into stars, moons and other celestial bodies. The only thing they cannot make it do is sing the National Anthem. Impressed by the demonstrators’ dexterity, babyjis buy the blasted things against the advice of Mummyji. On the morning after, the thing comes apart in Baby’s hands and that’s that. But what the heck, you saw that guy perform art, man. Do sau rupee khali peeli washte ho gaye but kaisa karte bhai woh log?
The Lord of Hair Oil
Money back if your hair does’t grow. If you see pamphlets of an oil product lying on Numaish ground with a picture of a girl with Rapunzel hair, it has to be Indo+ Hair Oil. The product promses to make your bald head fertile again, and money back if not. From the said pamphlet: “After complete hair research solution we found the formula for complete hair and scalp treatment, Indo+ Hair Oil, the lord of hair oil. It is for both men and women with no side effects.” Oh, there’s a before-after picture of a bald man. *wink wink*
Dead Sea Spa
Ain? Bole toh? Murda Samundar, yaaron. Apne Israel ke baju mein hain na, woh ich. And what has numaish got to do with the Dead Sea? Good question! The Krasa Rene Pure Beauty stall is all about Dead Sea spa products. The salesman tells you the products have all the balmy qualities of the said sea. Cool na! The store bhaiya gets you to try out some Dead Sea salt with an awesome fragrance and a similar smelling cream made from god knows what from the Dead Sea. And, Ammi ki kasam, I had plans of buying it but it was like Rs 900 after discount. Fancy that, the Dead Sea makes your skin alive.
Hotpoint: 100 Percent Shock-Proof Kathey
If you smell Zandu Balm in the Numaish air, you are near the Hot Point point. The little kiosk peddles an electric geyser called Hotpoint. Bole toh? It is a “jhatak” red wall-hanging lookalike geyser with a tap. Connect the wall-hanging, sorry, geyser to a tap, and switch it on. The geyser gives you scalding hot water. The store attender swears that it won’t give you a shock. This year, I saw an add-on: a hand-held shower. If you set the faucet tight, it issues steam, which can turn your bathroom into an instant sauna. Stuff Zandu Balm into the Hotpoint, and you can have a steam inhalation.