The internet is one place where people speak of things that are unspoken. Like many other videos that went viral, a bunch of youngsters willingly presented themselves in front of a camera to share their throughts on why young Indians lie to their parents.
City Express asked the same question to youngsters in Hyderabad. They agreed to share their experiences on the condition of anonymity. (All names are changed to protect identity)
Anuhya is a qualified communication consultant. She expresses that her parents do not understand her feelings. “They cannot reciprocate. They prefer to dictate terms and push me to supress my feelings,” she says and points out that the reason is they never listened to her. “Parents have to listen to children when they are young. Suddenly you cannot expect them to pour out what they are feeling after they grow up,” she opines.
Another is 28-year-old Somesh who opines that parents cannot relate to most things and that is the reason they react in a certain way. “They cannot guage what we see and what we are capable of doing. So instead of letting us take that ‘wild’ step, they prefer to keep us in their clutches. The obvious solution is to construct situations they are familiar with. In other words, lie,” he explains as a solution. He shares one incident. “A friend of mine has been living in Texas for the past eight years. He got married last year and now has a ten-month daughter. We were having a party and he got drunk. He was slightly high. He kept getting calls from home and he said it is safe not to answer. That came as a shock to me,” he gasps. Somesh recalls the reason his friend gave and called it the safest route. “I wouldn’t want to make it obvious to my mother. It is best unspoken.”
Anuhya says this also has to do with understanding between both the parents. “When they cannot understand each other, we cannot expect them to make way for others,” she says.
Point out that parents could be under their own pressure and have their reasons to react in a certain way and she dismisses it. “If they feel children are an additional responsibility they have to think twice. Most times, children turn into drug addicts and retards because of the situations at home,” she feels strongly. Somesh too agrees and says most of the parents are scared that their image will be tarnished in the society. “They do not care if something is causing pain to the children. It is the pain their societal image faces which is much more important. That is sad,” he rues.
A 24-year-old masters students, Aradhana wonders if she is a parent sometimes. “The way my mother reacts, I feel I have to immediately stop her from believing what I told her because it is hard to control it. It’s best I don’t mention it. I am not really lying, I am just not giving her all the details,” she quips adding that eventually truth will come to the open anyway. “I live for the day and I prefer to live that day when it comes,” she laughs.
On a similar note, 25-year-old Pranati is uncomfortable every time her mother points out to a certain mistake she has made. “She is free to talk to. She is kind, she forgives one mistake. The next time I do anything wrong, she goes back to the old one. Also, most of the time it is questioning me why I did something, or how could I have done something instead of pacifying me and asking me not to repeat it. Best not to utter anything,” she opines.
Pranati shares another instance that she encountered with a friend. “His mother is a single parent. When I told him that my father wouldn’t allow me to drink, he asked me a simple question -- ‘Doesn’t he drink?’. I was astonished and I realised that it is, in fact true,” she recalls. Will she be able to have the same argument with her father? “Impossible!” she exclaims, “They have expectations and I wouldn’t want to shatter them,” she adds.
Anirudh, a chartered accountant says that he doesn’t understand his father’s logic. “I asked my dad for a bike when I was in college. He met with an accident and hence wasn’t willing to buy one for me. There is a relativity theory they apply to everything. If they see something happen to someone, they presume it may happen to their children too. They are not brave. So I got a bike for myself after started earning,” he shares adding that it could be generation gap.
The Solution
While youngsters give their, psychologist Radhika Acharya explains how situations can be handled and both parents and children can be happy. “Both parties have to put in effort. Parents have to start building friendships with their children and treat them like friends do -- listen, understand and never pass judgements,” she explains. Most parents bring their emotional turmoil to the fore rather than understanding what the children are going through shares the psychologist. “I have sinned that is the reason we are in this situation’ – this is one of the common lines that comes from parents. Times are different, and they need to adapt. At the same time, children also need understand what is happening and limit themselves. Like you follow rules in office to keep your job, you need to forego certain things to keep relationships,” she advises.