Do dating apps really help you find love? We talk to three couples, including one same sex couple, who met via these apps and tell us how their love story unravelled in these digital times
Took time in letting others know
How did you both meet and what started off the relationship?
Supriyo: We have been together for eight years now and it all started with a dating app. We met through this app named “Planet Romeo” and had a casual first date. After eight years of being with each other, we only look at the casualness of it with endearment.
When did you realise you were gay and how did your folks accept it?
I realised that there is something different with me when I noticed my growing attraction towards boys in my class, when I had crush on a guy in school. All these feelings led me to explore about me. Then came this whirlwind of emotions after which I did come to terms with who I am as a person.
Abhay: I was in VII grade when I realised I was attracted to boys. Initially, I did not feel any different. However, upon reading, I realized that homosexuality was a crime in India, and I was disheartened. I read about research that this is not abnormal and hence I accepted myself.
What was your parents’ reaction when you came out?
Our parents weren’t initially the most supportive. Being Indian parents, they did not instantly accept it. However, they also didn’t disapprove of it. They decided to give us and themselves a good amount of time to introspect and come to a better conclusion. Now, we have their acceptance.
How is it like being with each other?
Supriyo: The core value of a relationship is acceptance. We should not try to change the other person. I think a relationship stands on the firm grounds of mutual respect and that is something we would never compromise on. A person who is right for you will always bring out the best in you and that is something Abhay has been doing for all these years and I am so grateful.
Abhay: Initially, there have been days of us being possessive and being in dilemma about how serious the other person was. We have come to understand each other better, shed our insecurities, and accept each other as we are, because love is worth it all.
Supriyo: On most days, we are fighting like cats and dogs and pity quarreling and fussing around. I believe that Tom and Jerry’s squabble is the ultimate explanation of how our relationship is. We have grown to become best friends.
Abhay: Also, this can be one of the reasons why most people tend to confuse us as being just friends or even brothers.
What are the most common questions people have asked you two and what does it make you feel?
Abhay: A lot of people usually confuse us to friends or brothers, which is something we understand as heterosexuality is the more popular norm.
Supriyo: Yeah we don’t mind that. A lot of people ask same-sex couples who is the husband and who is the wife. It is obnoxious and completely wrong because that is not how same-sex relationships work.
Abhay: I have been asked if I have had tests done to check whether I’m indeed gay. It didn’t make me angry, but I felt quite disappointed at the ignorance. People really need to learn and evolve.
How has acceptance been like among your friends and peers?
Abhay: We weren’t initially out in front of everyone and that itself took time. Most of our friends and colleagues have been supportive and don’t let us feel any different.
Supriyo: One of my friends who is settled in US told me he wants their kid to meet us to make them realise how queer families are like. I hope it transcends into other people and the acceptance grows.
What are your favourite memories of Pride Walks?
Supriyo: We attended the Hyderabad Pride Walk in 2014 for the first time and it was a vibrant and very warm place to be in. We had a lot of fun. Our straight friends came in to support us and it was a celebration. I had my pictures in the newspaper the next day and my boss came to show it to me. He and my colleagues were very supportive.
Abhay: Supriyo’s students came and they were so excited to see him. Our friends always make it a point to drop by and it is all about acceptance.
What is the message that you want to convey to people?
Abhay: Don’t assume your children’s sexuality. Chances are they may not straight. I also think its unfair that only queer people have to come out. That puts us under a lot of pressure, as straight is assumed to be the norm. I would want straight people to also explicitly come out, whether at schools, colleges, or workplace. That would be a great way to show support and normalise homosexuality.
Supriyo: I think people need to break the equivalence between straight and ‘normal’. Also, people should stop being pseudo supporters. Performative allies are not what the community needs. It should simply be about acceptance.
Found true love, second time again
We will be married for two years this May. It all looks like a fairy tale, but with its share of crests and troughs. Both of us were going through personal crises as we were trying to end our previous marriages which did not work out. As expected, I hit an all-time low in life and was trying to focus on my work. My friend Sarika suggested that I explore a relationship on a dating app and that’s how I got on to Tinder. I was sufferiing loneliness and stress and even had to take pills every night to be able to sleep well. It was at this time that Vinay and I swiped right on the dating app. I was working for a MNC bank and he had his own business.
I had not even uploaded my photographs in the app, but Vinay had struck a chord with me. However, I told him that I was still going through a messy divorce and that it was too early for me to be in a relationship. We proceeded slow and steady. On January 12, 2018, I told him that he could come over and see me from afar, as I partied with my colleagues at a restro lounge in the city. I told him my coordinates but told him I cannot meet him though. However, when he landed there, we did make eye contact and things seemed right. He even offered to drop me back home that night, but like any intelligent girl, I declined the offer and took a cab back home.
After that, we shared mobile numbers and started chatting. Soon, we would stay late talking to each other, meet over coffee dates etc and he proposed to me. Incidentally, Vinay had a 11 year old son from his previous marriage and he was transparent about everything in life. I felt comfortable dating someone who was honest and authentic. I took about a month to think over his proposal and finally said yes on Valentine’s Day in February 2019.
At this point of time, I also felt that my bad marriage was a thing of the past and that I should not delay happiness. The divorce did not seem like a priority, but celebrating love seemed imperative. We then got our parents on board and after the family also felt we were right for each other, we got married on May 7, 2019. Both of us now agree that marrying each other has been the best decision of our lives. A toast to a life filled with love.
— Latika and Vinay Nahata
Tried the K3G trick
You thought people fall in love with Tinder and Bumble? I fell in love via Orkut, which I consider was the dating app, well almost, of the mid 2000s. You may have seen filmi scenes where the hero and heroine bump into each other and love blossoms. In my case, my sister bumped into Subramoni at Chennai Railway Station when we were on a holiday in India while we were living in Dubai. She told me to find out more about him as she was trying out matchmaking for my cousin.
Those were the days of K3G –Kabhi Khushi Kabie Gham and we saw how Hrithik Roshan tracks down bade bhaiyya Shah Rukh using the internet. I decided to try the K3G trick on Orkut and yes, found Subramoni there. While I am a Telugu-Tamil girl and he a Tamil-Malayali boy, things went smoothly for us. We dated for two years before we announced to our parents. Incidentally, my own parents had an almost runaway marriage and my love story seems tame when compared to theirs. Anyway, it all worked out great and we got married in 2008. We just finished 15 years of knowing each other and we are very much in love even now.
— Soundhariya and Subramoni
— Manju Latha Kalanidhi kalanidhi@new indianexpress.com @mkalanidhi