HYDERABAD : The pandemic has changed everything that was ‘normal’ to us till 2020 -- they way we lived, worked, socialised and bonded with people. But who would have thought that the virus would creep into our homes and wreck the very foundation of marriage? Covid has checked this too off its list.
Since March 2020, most of us have been forced to stay indoors and work from home. This means spending endless number of hours with our spouse or partner -- working with them, eating every meal with them, even taking coffee breaks with them. To top this, there is the anxiety and fear of contracting the dreaded Covid-19, which made things much worse.
While the first few days may have been hunky-dory, given that we got to spend time with our better half, in no time these emotions were replaced by irritation, nagging, restlessness, blame games and distrust. This is what we call cabin fever. “Today, the entire world is suffering from this. All these issues of distress and irritability arise when one is stuck with someone in a confined space for an extended period of time. And this is exactly what is happening between couples. They are getting sick of each other and are fighting like never before,” says Dr Purnima Nagaraja, a psychiatrist.
This has become so common now that Dr Purnima has been seeing a steep rise in cases of matrimonial dispute, wherein couples seek therapy. For instance, on Wednesday, of the 12 registrations at her clinic in Banjara Hills, six were of couples trying to fix their marriage. Annam Subrahmanyam, a marriage counsellor who has his practice at Secunderabad and Jubilee Hills, says this is happening because people are seeking happiness from a marriage. “This is where the problem starts.
They’ve got the concept of marriage completely wrong. You cannot get happiness out of a marriage. You have to look for happiness within yourselves, only then you can your surroundings be happy. Also, now that both husband and wife are working from home, they realise that they don’t respect each other,” he says. There are several factors behind marriages breaking on the whims thrown by the pandemic.
Nagging quotient
According to Dr Purnima, work from home has left little or no space for a person’s independence. Among couples, this has led to frequent nagging and loss of respect for each other. “For instance, I got a case wherein a woman, with two teenage kids, wanted to end her 17 years of marriage. Both husband and wife are IT professionals and ever since WFH started, he’s been belittling her and interfering with her office work. He even checked her phone one day,” she says. Therapy did not work and now they are separated.
Woman is burdened
Now that even the wife is working from home, she is not only expected to complete her official tasks on time but also manage the household and the children. Not all husbands are understanding and volunteer to cook or clean. The entire load of caregiving falls on the woman as there is no sharing of responsibilities between the couple.
Job loss and uncertainty
This is another major reason for marriages to fall apart. “Many people in the entertainment and hospitality industries have lost their jobs due to the pandemic. This has led to a lot of stress and tension at home. There’s anxiety about finances and this disruots the harmony of the relationship,” says Subrahmanyam.
No ‘me’ time
With two people being face-to-face all day long, they miss their ‘me’ time. At least when a woman goes to work, she spends time with her colleagues and gets enjoys some ‘me’ time when she commutes. But ever since WFH has started, people are working 12-14 hours a day and don’t have any time left to themselves. This translates into frustration and distress, which is very toxic for a relationship.
Long distance
The pandemic has also created a lot of physical distance between couples. While the husband is working in the US and cannot return home, the wife is here in India, all alone. Such long distance relationship is very hard to be in and ultimately couples drift away from each other. They find a love interest and have an affair, that’s the end of the marriage.
Lack of human contact
Lastly, after going through all the above, a sense of disgust creeps in for the partner and couples are no more attracted to each other. Also, if there’s a member in the house who has tested positive for Covid, physical distancing becomes must. “Sex takes a backseat. They cringe to even touch each other. These are tender things a relationship relies on,” Says Dr Purnima.
Save your marriage
Don’t let the pandemic destroy your bond with your partner. Here are some ways you can save your marriage
Don’t jump for separation/divorce, sit back and wait
Since March 2020, most of us have been forced to stay indoors and work from home. While the first few days may have been hunky-dory, no one expected that the virus would creep into our homes and wreck the very foundation of marriage
— Himabindu Reddy himabindugopinath@newindianexpress.com @himureddy