HYDERABAD: For the past week, the Delhi High Court has been listening to a petition to criminalise marital rape. Sadly, India is one of the few countries that does not view marital rape as a crime. As with every other topic, the debate about conjugal rights claiming that everything within a marriage is consensual, has reached Twitter. Things turned sour when the #MarriageStrike by men started going viral.
During the of the hearing, Justice Rajiv Shakdher had said, “When the rape law grants no exemption in case of forced intercourse with a sex worker, who chooses to withdraw consent at a belated stage, why should a wife be less empowered.” This statement got many worried about false accusations landing innocent men in jail. A huge number of tweets with #MarriageStrike had concerns of men saying that such a law was ‘draconian’ and would empower women to take advantage of men who could never be able to prove that sex was consensual and not forced.
Now, another section of men (and some women) have gone to the extent of saying they don’t want to get married if sex in marriage ‘requires consent’. In short, men on Twitter using the hashtag suggest that they would opt out of marriage if marital rape is criminalised. We speak to Hyderabadis, who share what they think about this trend.
Tollywood director and actor Srinivas Avasarala, who has films like Nootokka Jillala Andagadu and Oohalu Gusagudalade to his credit, believes that if there’s a problem a solution must be found, instead of allowing the problem to continue to be unaddressed in its existing form. “Just because one fears the false allegation, the right to consent can’t be taken away altogether. If men think false accusations could lead to innocent men being jailed, it’s a genuine concern and it must be dealt with, using a separate, suitable apparatus. That said, it does not mean that until a solution is found, rape can be allowed in marriage. A woman’s right to consent must be protected and respected, nevertheless,” he says.
Arun Daniel Yellamaty, the founder of Youngistaan Foundation, a Hyderabad-based NGO, seconds Srinivas’ opinion. “Consent is key, no matter the status of one’s relationship, or for that matter, even gender. While I don’t support the #MarriageStrike movement, I believe India still has a long way to go in creating a safe space for male grievances too. Whatever law is made, care must be taken to allay men’s fears of false accusations. There must be proper investigation, along with fair and equal hearing. We must do away with the ‘believe the woman’ blindly.”
The social entrepreneur blames the culture and lack of proper conversations on sex, marriage, family and bonding in the Indian set up for those who think consent has no place in a marriage. “It shows how they grew up believing that marriage is limited to sex. This is why marriage counselling must be made compulsory to help people understand it in its entirety. People need to be educated well about such things, whether or not they choose to get married. Things like consent need to be talked about openly and more often,” he shares.
Relationship coach Anika Khara adds, “People’s upbringing can affect their view of marriage. Hence, effort must be made to spread awareness about the institution of marriage and the importance of consent. People also have to talk about the consent of the man and his rights. Before the law is passed, everybody should work towards allaying the fears of false allegations. A solution about how things can be proven and the burden of evidence should all be thought out and solved before going ahead. Only then will this law, which seeks to protect the rights of women, help men be better husbands too.”
With such tweets (many have joked that men choosing to not marry if not “allowed to rape” their wives) doing the rounds, it is a win-win for women everywhere.