HYDERABAD: When I first moved back to this city at 16, I thought I knew how to ride a bike. I had already learned how to drive in the great Himalayas, where I grew up. I started in my uncle’s Splendor from Ameerpet and couldn’t even drive it till Begumpet, because of what I saw. I got so scared that I stopped the bike and called my friend, who took an auto till where I was and drove me back home, not forgetting to hand me down some gyan— once you learn to drive in Hyderabad, you can drive anywhere in the world.
Well, I am in my 30s now and I drive in the city for everything but I am still as scared as on day one. I still see the same horror, everyday.
Let’s say, you start your day at 9 in the morning, you know there is going to be traffic, so you plan and start accordingly. But not everyone is like you. You’ll see a guy who is clearly late and is making up time by playing Tetris on the roads, and will accelerate prematurely before the signal turns green, leaving his wife sitting behind, not surprised.
If I was allowed to drag someone to court, just for questioning, I would first ask the bus drivers to appear in court and explain what is the point in driving like the portal to heaven is closing in two minutes? Where do you have to go? I understand that the bike guy has a delusion that if he reaches early, his manager will promote him. But sir, you have nowhere go. Once you reach your point B, you have to start over again. You will be driving all day, all year, till somebody actually drags you to a court. So, what’s the hurry boss? You are not going anywhere!!!
Then there are autos which will stop in the middle of anywhere if they see a potential passenger. That person stopped the auto because he wanted to get in, why do you think he’ll leave you and go?
And once in a while you will meet four friends who are so inseparable that they will drive the bike in twos and make it look like it’s a blueprint of a car and continue their conversation. What are you guys talking about? Definitely not about working hard and getting a car.
You think daytime is crazy, let me drive in the night when there is less traffic. Yes, the traffic is so less that you’ll see your bikes doing stunts and wheelies, hoping this will find them love. Well sir, there have been zero love stories where a princess fell in love with a stuntman.
And lastly, there is always a guy who is so confidently driving on the wrong side, you can’t help but appreciate his risk-choosing; this way to swim against the tide. You do you buddy, only Yamraj can stop you.
Well, this is what I see and now I truly feel ready to drive anywhere in the world.
(The writer’s views are his own)
@johnnykasandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)