Have you noticed animals do not get overly excited for any kind of street food? That’s because, for them, all food is street food. While I totally agree with the idea that street food is an emotion, sometimes followed by a motion. However, there are a few chosen dishes that never fail to disappoint.
Tawa Idli
Would you buy a 150-year-old whisky and mix it with turpentine? Would you ever buy an iPhone and willingly drop it in a pool of mud? Then why would you eat Tawa Idli? Why on earth should someone take steamed idlis, which have been pulling an all-nighter just to add some fermented fibre to your body, and fry them all over again? If idli is not your thing, then just eat puri; by “tawaing” it, you are only making the owner of the oil refinery in the Gulf richer than he already is. Nobody else benefits from this excuse for an innovation.
Bahubali Whatever
Any dish that uses “Bahubali” as an adjective to reach your gut is nothing less than a scam. Any dish labeled “Bahubali” is something that even Kattappa wouldn’t touch, and trust me, it won’t be anywhere close to Radhye Shayam. The logic is simple: quantity does not equal quality, and finishing the dish on your own doesn’t mean you’re portraying strength; if you did, congratulations, you just helped the restaurant clean up its leftovers.
Old City Momos
My rule of thumb for eating momos is: “The flavor of momos is directly proportional to the distance from Tibet.” The closer you are, the better the momos. In Hyderabad, momos are just as legitimate as Hyderabadi biryani in Bengaluru. Also, if the Dalai Lama ever ate Hyderabadi momos, the slogans would immediately change from “Save Tibet” to “Save Momos.”
Haryana Jalebi
Desserts are generally the backbone of any booming street food lane, but if ever your sweet cravings kick in and you spot a guy selling jalebis out of a modified suitcase, let it go. I won’t explain much, but as a dessert connoisseur, I would rather apply some sugar to glue and eat it instead. At least then I would know why things are stuck in my stomach.
There are some dishonourable mentions never to be forgotten, which are obvious if you watch reels: your usual cried maggi, sleaze dosa, and anything that is forcefully moved from a rudimentary level of cooking to advanced has only one motive: sales. If you think there are more, you can always DM me. I wish to live long too.
Sandesh Johnny
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)