HYDERABAD: When a baby waltzes out of the womb into this good-bad world, a mother’s life changes. She assumes a whole new avatar, thinking and acting in the best interests of her little one. Oh, how wonderful they are, mamas and ammas! But what about our papas and nanas? What does the birth of a child mean to them?
“One day you’re bingeing movies and the next moment she is born…it is an overnight change. I was overjoyed but the stress of responsibility hovered above my head,” said Mithun, a freelance software engineer and the father of a three-year-old girl. He added that the lack of stability in his job does worry him sometimes. “Budget. School fees. College fees. So much long-term thinking to do. And my wife and I would have arguments too, stressing me out. I don’t think anyone ever prepares husband and wife to deal with each other through the whole process of childbirth and beyond.”
Mithun expressed that guilt grips him several times as a first-time father. “When I reprimand my child, it breaks my heart. There’s no guide to being a perfect father. Sometimes, I just want to talk to someone, maybe a mental health expert, and vent.”
Postpartum depression in mothers is a term that is casually tossed and strewn around in hospitals, research papers, and online. But did you know that 1 in 10 fathers also go through postpartum anxiety and depression?
“I generally get very stressed and anxious. My wife had a difficult delivery, making me very afraid for her and our baby. You know, what people don’t understand is that men also have troubles,” said Prasad, a sofa repairer and father of a nine-month-old boy. He expressed his frustration over society’s expectations and holier-than-thou approach. “They expect you to be tough and strong, telling you that you need to handle the house, the money, and everything on your own. I’ve realised that whether you do good or bad, society points a finger at you.”
Fathers, it is hard for the mothers, both physiologically and emotionally. But that doesn’t mean your problems are meaningless. Dr Smita Balakrishnan, counselling psychologist at the Hyderabad academy
Academy of Psychology, shares her tips for fatherhood:
Missing out
Life changes for a married couple when they welcome a baby. Apart from the mounting financial pressures, a father can often feel left out when his wife and child bond. This can lead to arguments but make sure you do not fight in front of your child. They are impressionable and will emulate you when they are older.
Self-care
For a new father, sleep, food and routine go haywire. But you need to make time for a little self-care, be it spending some time for your hobbies or otherwise. Try your best to eat right, sleep well, and exercise at least for 15 minutes.
Society’s fishnet
Do not fall into the mousetrap of societal expectations, monetarily or otherwise. Society does not pay your bills. Rather, see what works for you and your wife. Communicate. Empathise with each other. Spend quality time, not quantity, with your wife and child.
De-taboo help
Many men act macho despite the problems. But you are a human being at the end of the day and may need help. Go to a psychologist or mental health expert. Remember, your mental health affects your child’s mental health.