HYDERABAD: Parenthood is a profound and transformative journey, marked by love, sacrifice, and joy. Every parent, regardless of origin or family structure, has the same experience of nurturing the next generation. This trip is frequently laden with difficulties, but it is also extremely rewarding. One of the most beautiful aspects of modern parenthood is its diversity, particularly the increasing visibility and acceptance of queer parents. Queer families frequently meet unique problems, such as legal barriers and social stigma, but their experiences are characterised by remarkable perseverance and love. This Pride month — a month dedicated to celebration and commemoration of lgbtqia+ people, CE speaks with queer parents about their journey, the value of acceptance and equality in society, as well as the powerful impact of love and devotion in all kinds of parenthood.
Deepthi, Dalit queer feminist and civil society activist
Initially, I was very scared because I didn’t know how my kids would receive me. Or if they would understand me or still look at me as their mother. To prepare them for that, I started to take them to queer events so that I can talk about myself with them. So that it doesn’t come as a shocker to them. Eventually, I explained to my eldest about queerness and a little about myself. My kids know that I am always there for them, and I know that they will always support me. Parenthood or motherhood has nothing to do with one’s orientation or gender identity. This journey is forever as long as I live. My advice to new queer parents would be to not be scared to talk about yourself to your kids or present yourself as queer to the world. You don’t want your child to know about this from the wrong kinds of sources or the wrong kind of people because that would end up in misinformation. Begin with sensitising them towards the queer community and talk about yourself. It is also important to emphasise how your love for your child doesn’t have anything to do with your queerness. Lastly, build a good bond with your children only then you can make a safe space for your children to talk openly about anything.
Patruni Sastry, Drag artist
It’s been one and a half years since I became a parent. Initially, we (my partner and I) never planned to be parents to be honest. I think the one thing I realised was that I was very scared because there is still a lot of stigma and hate that is happening towards non-binary people and drag artists. And if especially I am having a child that hate would be directed to the child as well. That was very much a fear because I got bullied in my school. So, what if, because of my identity my child will get bullied? I was very open about these conversations with a couple of friends who are queer and parents. They helped me in thinking about how I can also have a child and raise a child in a far better way. Some advice I would like to share with queer people who are planning to become to become parents is it’s a beautiful experience. Because somewhere or the other, everybody has a right to be a parent. And we can’t fear the world and stop being aspirational about what we want as a family. Queer families need to exist irrespective of whatever propaganda and hate people get across the world. Having said that I feel it’s very important to provide each information to the child in the correct way. So that they make the decisions and have knowledge of everything. And equip the child with knowledge rather than putting my preconceived notions onto them.
Kiranraj G, Treasurer, Society for Transmen Action and Rights-STAR & Managing Director, Sparsh Cottage Industries
I always wished for a family where I had a wife and kids. I wanted to be the breadwinner and I wanted my kids to call me ‘daddy’. But, my parents forced me to get married at the young age of 19 right after I completed my degree and the next year, I was a parent to a baby boy. Since his birth, I have lovingly taken care of him, providing him with everything he needs. But it was difficult for me to be called ‘Amma’ every day. Becoming a mother was very difficult for me. I had always wanted to be a dad not a mother. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love my child. I love him. I wish for everything and anything for him. I wanted to give him more than what any father could. It was difficult to be called ‘Amma’ when I could only be a father to him. When I went through the gender affirmation surgery, my son stood by my side. He has always been selfless, and I am glad that god gave me such a kind child. He once told me — ‘Every person has the right to be happy. In your life so far you have seen so many struggles, I only wish for you to be happy. That’s why even if it will hurt my future, I am agreeing for you to change your gender.’ Despite his fears for his future he still thought about me. It will take ages to bring a change in the society. We need to create a supportive system for the kids as well. It is very difficult to raise kids while being queer parents. Society needs a lot of change.