In various aspects of life, such as sports, climbing Everest, or starting your own company, the adage “everything is possible, impossible is nothing, and if you can dream it, you can do it” often holds true. These endeavours thrive on determination, hard work, and an unyielding belief in success. However, these inspiring ideals frequently collide with an immovable obstacle: government bureaucracy. Here are the types of government officials you might encounter:
1. Always NO for an answer
You haven’t truly faced rejection until you’ve met the Always NO for an Answer guy. Here’s a typical conversation:
Me: Can I come in?
NO Guy: No, first leave your slippers outside.
Me (in my mind): This is a government office; it can’t get any dirtier.
Me: Can I sit here?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Will you do my work?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Will you take a bribe?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Have I come to the right office?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Will you tell me the correct office to go to?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Do you have any friends?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Does your family love you?
NO Guy: NO.
Me: Can I leave?
NO Guy: Yes.
2. Wannabe Chief Justice of India
Some people aim high and settle low. This guy wanted to become a judge but ended up with a desk job at the sub-registrar’s office. The judge inside him is still alive, and he thinks being judgmental is his way of living life as a judge.
As soon as I entered his office he stared at my legs and questioned me for wearing shorts.
Well there was no dress code mentioned in the form and someone wearing clothes that camouflage in the traffic shouldn’t be talking about fashion.
When I asked for a pen to fill something in the form, he was suddenly curious about which school I studied at and why they didn’t always teach me to carry a pen.
I called my mother to confirm her DOB (the official one on records), and I heard him whisper to his colleague that I will abandon my parents once I get the property.
3. The extra helpful
When you’re done hopping from one office to another and all the counters have given up on you, a humble human notices your pain. He asks about your problem, gives you a blueprint of the solution, tells you the correct department, the right counter, the current mood of the officer, and even corrects the mistakes in your form. Any questions about the office or the universe will be answered by this man. Impressed, I told him he deserved a raise and asked which department hires such angels. He told me he actually sells teas and snacks outside.
4. Chai-Paani person
You know who we are talking about. We hate him but also love him. When you first reach his office, he scares you about how bad your chances are of getting your particular government work done. Then, he convinces you that he is actually Christ the Redeemer and the only person who can do this job for you. Once you’ve accepted him as your Lord and Saviour, you see hands under the table, and voila, your work is done.
The Why Junction
Sandesh Johnny
@johnnykasandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)